Day 58- Saturday
Wake early and start to think about returning to work. I feel a bit lost without work and having already had two months off I feel I need to get my brain going again. Chemo appears to be giving me a bad week and then a good week and on the good week I feel completely normal. In fact better than I have for ages and it makes me realize how much I suffered with fatigue without even knowing. My plan is to speak to my boss about working for 4 hours every other Thursday and Saturday. Being towards the end of my good week I should be fine. Feel happy now I have made this decision.
Found a small mushroom charm in the souks last night that fits perfectly on my Links of London bracelet. This was my Christmas present from dad with a robin charm. This is my fighting cancer bracelet. The robin charm is to symbolize the 'spirits' who broke the water cooler! I also have a nazar charm to ward off the evil eye.
The beards are shaved off today! I used the trimmer to start as too long for them to shave. We give Matt a goatee and Tom sideburns to start with! So nice to be able to kiss my husband again! Lots of people asked why they had beards so hopefully they raised awareness of colon cancer. Yearly tradition from now on.
So we are heading off for our Mardi Gras party. Hope you all have a lovely evening……………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rId95N2teUc
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
The last voucher
Day 57- Friday
Lie in until 9- heaven. Tom and Matt are off to play golf with our family friend. Matt is very excited as he hasn't played golf in Dubai for months with me being ill. Golf in Dubai in very expensive (normally over 100 pounds!) as the courses are all amazing. But today is his Christmas present from Dad, Tom and Holly.
Mum was woken in the night by Malika head butting her. Well she is a Millwall pooch now! That is how they roll! Malika continues to be naughty. She has eaten a hole in mum's new pink bag and opened the corner of a present! I have a good tidy up in case it is the general chaos of the house that is making her naughty. Doesn't work- she steals a sweet off the table! She is too spoilt with attention and is above her station!
Mum and I head to Spinney's for more food shopping. I have found that when I have chemo I don't feel like drinking but the hospital want me drinking at least 2l a day. Purdeys is the only drink I fancy and it is rarely stocked in Dubai so we buy 20 bottles today! When we are ready to pay mum asks the cashier if there is someone who can pack our bags! How Dubai is that?! I don't know how she will return to England and have to pack her own shopping bags!
Spend time helping Holly write her CV. She is thinking about getting a job over here. Why would you not want to live here?.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fz8A1itDoTo
I am good at CVs. Find it's all about selling yourself and Holly has her languages to boast about. When we are finished her CV is double the length and contains lots of adjectives!
Tonight we are going out to the souks and then for dinner at the Jumeirah Beach Hotel with a voucher. In Dubai you can buy an Entertainer book that contains 'buy one, get one free' vouchers for loads of restaurants. It is really good value and we don't go anywhere where you can't use a voucher! The vouchers expire tomorrow so we are desperate to use one last one!
Lie in until 9- heaven. Tom and Matt are off to play golf with our family friend. Matt is very excited as he hasn't played golf in Dubai for months with me being ill. Golf in Dubai in very expensive (normally over 100 pounds!) as the courses are all amazing. But today is his Christmas present from Dad, Tom and Holly.
Mum was woken in the night by Malika head butting her. Well she is a Millwall pooch now! That is how they roll! Malika continues to be naughty. She has eaten a hole in mum's new pink bag and opened the corner of a present! I have a good tidy up in case it is the general chaos of the house that is making her naughty. Doesn't work- she steals a sweet off the table! She is too spoilt with attention and is above her station!
Mum and I head to Spinney's for more food shopping. I have found that when I have chemo I don't feel like drinking but the hospital want me drinking at least 2l a day. Purdeys is the only drink I fancy and it is rarely stocked in Dubai so we buy 20 bottles today! When we are ready to pay mum asks the cashier if there is someone who can pack our bags! How Dubai is that?! I don't know how she will return to England and have to pack her own shopping bags!
Spend time helping Holly write her CV. She is thinking about getting a job over here. Why would you not want to live here?.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fz8A1itDoTo
I am good at CVs. Find it's all about selling yourself and Holly has her languages to boast about. When we are finished her CV is double the length and contains lots of adjectives!
Tonight we are going out to the souks and then for dinner at the Jumeirah Beach Hotel with a voucher. In Dubai you can buy an Entertainer book that contains 'buy one, get one free' vouchers for loads of restaurants. It is really good value and we don't go anywhere where you can't use a voucher! The vouchers expire tomorrow so we are desperate to use one last one!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Lexi the dolphin
Day 56- Thursday
We head to the palm early this morning. Mum and I pay extra to watch Tom & Holly with the Dolphins. For one of their Christmas presents from Mum they got a dolphin experience. Holly was really excited and I think secretly Tom is a bit scared!
Lexi their dolphin is so cute. They get to stroke her, hold her, Holly danced with her, Tom threw her a ring to retrieve and they both kissed her. Although she refused to kiss Tom the first two times! Got some excellent pictures, which is just as well as they were charging a fortune to buy theirs. Who remembers this?.......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu7NBzIWd-0&feature=related
Bit disappointed with Atlantis waterpark. You have to walk miles to get anywhere, the food is bad and the toilets were really dirty and smelly. Reported the dirty toilets twice and they were still not cleaned. I had to stand up and hold my nose at the same time. Will not be going there again. Wild Wadi all way from now on.
On arrival back home Malika has eaten Matt's hoodie. All for a packet of chewing gum in the pocket! Someone will either be sick later or have trouble going to the toilet! We only brought it for him last week as she ate his last one before Christmas! She is so naughty!
We are now playing 'u sing' on the wii. We are not a family of good voices and somehow I am winning! Friends back home will not believe this! In fact the game rates me as a performer!
Have a lovely evening out with some family friends at Barasti. We have been there loads recently. The live band are really good and although we all had dinner before we got there we have another dinner and I even have pudding! It all starts in the new year- healthy diet all the way!
Day of rest tomorrow- can't wait.
We head to the palm early this morning. Mum and I pay extra to watch Tom & Holly with the Dolphins. For one of their Christmas presents from Mum they got a dolphin experience. Holly was really excited and I think secretly Tom is a bit scared!
Lexi their dolphin is so cute. They get to stroke her, hold her, Holly danced with her, Tom threw her a ring to retrieve and they both kissed her. Although she refused to kiss Tom the first two times! Got some excellent pictures, which is just as well as they were charging a fortune to buy theirs. Who remembers this?.......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu7NBzIWd-0&feature=related
Bit disappointed with Atlantis waterpark. You have to walk miles to get anywhere, the food is bad and the toilets were really dirty and smelly. Reported the dirty toilets twice and they were still not cleaned. I had to stand up and hold my nose at the same time. Will not be going there again. Wild Wadi all way from now on.
On arrival back home Malika has eaten Matt's hoodie. All for a packet of chewing gum in the pocket! Someone will either be sick later or have trouble going to the toilet! We only brought it for him last week as she ate his last one before Christmas! She is so naughty!
We are now playing 'u sing' on the wii. We are not a family of good voices and somehow I am winning! Friends back home will not believe this! In fact the game rates me as a performer!
Have a lovely evening out with some family friends at Barasti. We have been there loads recently. The live band are really good and although we all had dinner before we got there we have another dinner and I even have pudding! It all starts in the new year- healthy diet all the way!
Day of rest tomorrow- can't wait.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Matt's coming home
Day 55-Wednesday
Things got much worse last night. I started to feel really sick when I went to bed. Tried being sick and spent 10 minutes retching but with no luck. Mum ended up being sick twice so maybe the milk in the coffee shop was off. Then Malika starts to have diarrhea! This house! Tom and Holly have been up throughout the night and everyone is tired and anxious.
The poo-wee continues this morning so they have to sit on towels in the car. We arrive at the hospital and they get gowned up. They get given trousers with the bum cut out! I was not given this fashion option!
Let's start with Tom. To start with he was a massive baby with the cannula going in. He goes green, sweaty and thinks he is going to be sick! The nurse just laughs at him. He then confesses that the blood pressure monitor freaks him out! At the last minute the Doctor decides to take Tom in first, much to Holly's distress! As he is wheeled in he sees the equipment. Now I have told them the tube is as big as a little finger as this is what I have been told. I never actually saw the tube. Thank goodness I didn't see it as I would have been very distressed. The tube is huge- bigger than a garden hose pipe!
Tom is only in for 15 minutes. I am in charge of looking after him whilst mum sits with Holly being sedated. Tom is like an annoying drunk man- verbal diarrhea and repeating himself! He tells me 6 times in 10 minutes that the tube was as big as the rail of the bed and asks if his picture of the procedure is ready. He asks me to take a picture of him to show Tash and then I have to show him the picture 3 times as he keeps forgetting! I bribe him to sleep by promising water if he sleeps for half an hour! It works and I get some peace and quiet!
Holly is hard to sedate. They have to use extra medicine and it takes over 10 minutes. The actual procedure is quick though and she is out in 15 minutes as well. She wakes speaking Portuguese! She is really sleepy after and we leave her to it.
The results come back and they are both all clear, no polyps or sign of pre-cancerous cells. Really good news and I feel a weight being lifted. Today's song-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M
We are allowed home. Tom is fully awake and alert but Holly can bearly open her eyes. We have to put her in a wheelchair to get her to the car.
We are picking Matt up tonight- very excited! I nearly don't recognise him. He has more hair on his face than he does on his head! I know this beard is for a good cause but I hate it! So ugly and prickly. Matt brings presents from his family. Malika is given a Millwall dog tag. Don't find this funny as Malika is a Chelsea girl. We play a game where I sing Chelsea songs and Matt sings Millwall songs and we see who Malika goes to. She ALWAYS comes to me! I get some nice pampering presents and a voucher for a beauty treatment. Something to look forward to on a good week.
Off for a day of fun at Atlantis the Palm water park tomorrow. At least everyone will be having fun except me as I'm not allowed in the water or the sun!
Things got much worse last night. I started to feel really sick when I went to bed. Tried being sick and spent 10 minutes retching but with no luck. Mum ended up being sick twice so maybe the milk in the coffee shop was off. Then Malika starts to have diarrhea! This house! Tom and Holly have been up throughout the night and everyone is tired and anxious.
The poo-wee continues this morning so they have to sit on towels in the car. We arrive at the hospital and they get gowned up. They get given trousers with the bum cut out! I was not given this fashion option!
Let's start with Tom. To start with he was a massive baby with the cannula going in. He goes green, sweaty and thinks he is going to be sick! The nurse just laughs at him. He then confesses that the blood pressure monitor freaks him out! At the last minute the Doctor decides to take Tom in first, much to Holly's distress! As he is wheeled in he sees the equipment. Now I have told them the tube is as big as a little finger as this is what I have been told. I never actually saw the tube. Thank goodness I didn't see it as I would have been very distressed. The tube is huge- bigger than a garden hose pipe!
Tom is only in for 15 minutes. I am in charge of looking after him whilst mum sits with Holly being sedated. Tom is like an annoying drunk man- verbal diarrhea and repeating himself! He tells me 6 times in 10 minutes that the tube was as big as the rail of the bed and asks if his picture of the procedure is ready. He asks me to take a picture of him to show Tash and then I have to show him the picture 3 times as he keeps forgetting! I bribe him to sleep by promising water if he sleeps for half an hour! It works and I get some peace and quiet!
Holly is hard to sedate. They have to use extra medicine and it takes over 10 minutes. The actual procedure is quick though and she is out in 15 minutes as well. She wakes speaking Portuguese! She is really sleepy after and we leave her to it.
The results come back and they are both all clear, no polyps or sign of pre-cancerous cells. Really good news and I feel a weight being lifted. Today's song-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M
We are allowed home. Tom is fully awake and alert but Holly can bearly open her eyes. We have to put her in a wheelchair to get her to the car.
We are picking Matt up tonight- very excited! I nearly don't recognise him. He has more hair on his face than he does on his head! I know this beard is for a good cause but I hate it! So ugly and prickly. Matt brings presents from his family. Malika is given a Millwall dog tag. Don't find this funny as Malika is a Chelsea girl. We play a game where I sing Chelsea songs and Matt sings Millwall songs and we see who Malika goes to. She ALWAYS comes to me! I get some nice pampering presents and a voucher for a beauty treatment. Something to look forward to on a good week.
Off for a day of fun at Atlantis the Palm water park tomorrow. At least everyone will be having fun except me as I'm not allowed in the water or the sun!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Poo House
Day 54- Tuesday
Wake up after just 5 hours sleep and can't go back to sleep. Keep thinking of all the things I need to do so decide to creep downstairs (mum is sleeping on the couch for some reason, not that I am complaining as I have been sleeping diagonally across the bed!) and get the computer. May as well start work. By the time everyone else wakes up I have done 4 hours.
Today my house is the poo house! Laxatives are started at 8am. They are both doing better than me. They are managing to down the laxative in one. But theirs is orange flavoured and only 150ml rather than a bottle. Holly is using the downstairs toilet and Tom the spare bathroom upstairs! There was initial concern that the medicine wasn't working but I told them to relax and wait- the poo-wee will be on it's way! We have scented candles, bleach being poured and air freshener being sprayed! Thank God my husband isn't here to witness this! An old school song for this house today…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6ruVqtPVPA
Mum and I pop out to the mall to have a break. Check out the sales- I buy 2 dresses for about 15 pounds each and mum buys a cardigan for 13 quid! Not a bad shop! We head to the supermarket and it is packed. I'm in the wheelchair because my legs are feeling so weak today. Feels like I have run a marathon when in fact I haven’t walked more than about 50m in the last few days! A man actually pushes his trolley into the side of my wheelchair and then appears surprised! Annoys me so much!
Arrive home just in time as I have got sympathetic diarrhea! Either that or my bowel is jealous with Tom and Holly getting all the attention and wants to regain it's crown! So now all 3 toilets are no go zones! Have to say I feel sorry for the cleaner! Mum doesn't know what to do with herself. She is not a poo person and this is making her gag!
We have a dilemma- mum is now feeling sick and thinks she may be sick! We are now planning for her to sleep on the blow up bed in my bathroom! This is a joke, surely!
With the poo-wee now flowing we are all off to bed ready for tomorrow.
Wake up after just 5 hours sleep and can't go back to sleep. Keep thinking of all the things I need to do so decide to creep downstairs (mum is sleeping on the couch for some reason, not that I am complaining as I have been sleeping diagonally across the bed!) and get the computer. May as well start work. By the time everyone else wakes up I have done 4 hours.
Today my house is the poo house! Laxatives are started at 8am. They are both doing better than me. They are managing to down the laxative in one. But theirs is orange flavoured and only 150ml rather than a bottle. Holly is using the downstairs toilet and Tom the spare bathroom upstairs! There was initial concern that the medicine wasn't working but I told them to relax and wait- the poo-wee will be on it's way! We have scented candles, bleach being poured and air freshener being sprayed! Thank God my husband isn't here to witness this! An old school song for this house today…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6ruVqtPVPA
Mum and I pop out to the mall to have a break. Check out the sales- I buy 2 dresses for about 15 pounds each and mum buys a cardigan for 13 quid! Not a bad shop! We head to the supermarket and it is packed. I'm in the wheelchair because my legs are feeling so weak today. Feels like I have run a marathon when in fact I haven’t walked more than about 50m in the last few days! A man actually pushes his trolley into the side of my wheelchair and then appears surprised! Annoys me so much!
Arrive home just in time as I have got sympathetic diarrhea! Either that or my bowel is jealous with Tom and Holly getting all the attention and wants to regain it's crown! So now all 3 toilets are no go zones! Have to say I feel sorry for the cleaner! Mum doesn't know what to do with herself. She is not a poo person and this is making her gag!
We have a dilemma- mum is now feeling sick and thinks she may be sick! We are now planning for her to sleep on the blow up bed in my bathroom! This is a joke, surely!
With the poo-wee now flowing we are all off to bed ready for tomorrow.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Surf Dubai
Day 53- Boxing day
I got a surprise present yesterday. Matt and I agreed we wouldn't buy each other presents with me not working for so long, but he bought me a lovely pair of diamond earrings that match my engagement ring. Thank you Baby! I LOVE them.
Had a great day yesterday. The food was amazing. I had 2 starters, salad bar with lobster and then Chinese selection, followed by roast turkey, then pudding, then ice cream! Mum skipped the roast altogether and had Indian for main! Mum is the only drunk one though!
Although we do make friends with a very drunk old British guy in the queue! We all tried to ignore his attempts at conversation but Tom got suckered in! By the time we made it to the taxi 30 minutes later, very long queue, he had decided he loved me and became 'over friendly'! Not nice! No one helped me- they
were too busy taking photos of it!
We headed to Barasti, the beach bar, to finish the day. We were standing at a table when a young chap bought over a stool for mum to sit on. Now obviously I am the one that needs a stool at the moment so I sit down. He is visibly horrified that I have taken it and I am letting my mother stand! Gives me death stares for the rest of the evening!
When we get home Malika has taken all of the wrapping out of the bin and spread it over the floor. She has also taken my stocking, which I had left my presents in, sat on the kitchen table and eaten most of my presents! Including the dream catcher from Pedro- she obviously doesn’t want my dreams to come true!
Holly is not well today- being sick and we don't know why. So mum stays in with her (well she is the house nurse after all!) and Tom, Pedro and I head to the beach to meet the Brazilian surf guys. Pedro has a stand up paddle lesson with Scott and gets to paddle around the Burj al Arab. He has a great time and Scott is a great teacher. In fact he says "it has been the best experience of his life". If anyone fancies some surfing in Dubai I would recommend these guys (http://www.surfingdubai.com/).
Today's song…..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Grj7sjQ0_p4
Hoping Holly is better for tomorrow as her laxatives have to start at 8am!
On a positive, I have 132 days until my last chemo!
I got a surprise present yesterday. Matt and I agreed we wouldn't buy each other presents with me not working for so long, but he bought me a lovely pair of diamond earrings that match my engagement ring. Thank you Baby! I LOVE them.
Had a great day yesterday. The food was amazing. I had 2 starters, salad bar with lobster and then Chinese selection, followed by roast turkey, then pudding, then ice cream! Mum skipped the roast altogether and had Indian for main! Mum is the only drunk one though!
Although we do make friends with a very drunk old British guy in the queue! We all tried to ignore his attempts at conversation but Tom got suckered in! By the time we made it to the taxi 30 minutes later, very long queue, he had decided he loved me and became 'over friendly'! Not nice! No one helped me- they
were too busy taking photos of it!
We headed to Barasti, the beach bar, to finish the day. We were standing at a table when a young chap bought over a stool for mum to sit on. Now obviously I am the one that needs a stool at the moment so I sit down. He is visibly horrified that I have taken it and I am letting my mother stand! Gives me death stares for the rest of the evening!
When we get home Malika has taken all of the wrapping out of the bin and spread it over the floor. She has also taken my stocking, which I had left my presents in, sat on the kitchen table and eaten most of my presents! Including the dream catcher from Pedro- she obviously doesn’t want my dreams to come true!
Holly is not well today- being sick and we don't know why. So mum stays in with her (well she is the house nurse after all!) and Tom, Pedro and I head to the beach to meet the Brazilian surf guys. Pedro has a stand up paddle lesson with Scott and gets to paddle around the Burj al Arab. He has a great time and Scott is a great teacher. In fact he says "it has been the best experience of his life". If anyone fancies some surfing in Dubai I would recommend these guys (http://www.surfingdubai.com/).
Today's song…..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Grj7sjQ0_p4
Hoping Holly is better for tomorrow as her laxatives have to start at 8am!
On a positive, I have 132 days until my last chemo!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Merry Christmas
Day 52- Christmas Day
Merry Christmas everyone! May you have a day filled with love and laughter.
We met up with 'R & J' last night and had a lovely evening, finished with hot chocolate in a café overlooking the Dubai fountains! Ready for Christmas now. They have a new kitten and we got to see some cute pictures. I would love a kitten but Malika would definitely eat it! Talking of Malika by the time we get home she has done the unthinkable. I know something is wrong when we open the door. She runs out trying to hide behind the car. Yep she has opened half the Christmas presents! Now I explained to everyone that we musn't put any chocolates under the tree as she is a girl after my own heart. Unfortunately a box of chocolate covered nuts was forgotten and she ripped open all presents on her way to the chocs! Well we think it was her- she did cover her toy seal in chocolate also to try and lead us off the scent! It appears she has only opened the presents from Holly so holly will be gutted when she sees. She had gone to the extra effort of putting ribbons and bows on all presents and I'm sure Malika didn't appreciate this! Oh and she opened the only present I didn't know about for me- a portable DVD player for my chemo days. Thanks mum.
Presents opened in a frenzy! Malika is soo excited! She eats her stocking, her present and then sits in the wrapping paper. She then has a mad 5 minutes and runs around the house like a lunatic dancing with Holly! Someone has too much sugar this morning! Breakfast in the garden for us this morning as the weather is perfect.
Now Christmas is a time to be thankful and I definitely have a lot of people to be thankful for this year.
Mr Munchkin (!), my darling Husband- thank you for loving me unconditionally, supporting me, looking after me, putting up with my moaning, always making me laugh, being my rock, my life
Mum- I could not do this without you. I won't ever be able to repay you or thank you enough for giving your life up to come and look after me
Tom & Holly- sorry I have put you through the stress of always having to worry about the big C. You two mean the world to me and I will do anything to look after and protect you.
Dad- I can't forgive or forget but if a good has come out of cancer it's finding our relationship again. I missed you and I'm glad you are back in my life
Tash & Pedro- keep doing what you do best- making my little bro and sis so happy
Dubai friends- you guys have made me feel so loved in the last few weeks and I know you are all standing behind me as I take on this fight. You are my family and your support is uplifting
My lovely friends and family back home- I can feel your love and positivity across the waters! I miss you all so much and it is our memories and messages that keep me going
Simon & Cathy- thank you for your supportive words, love and positivity, and for letting me borrow Matt!
Our colleagues- thank you so much for your support. You are helping to make a bad time bearable and our real lives enjoyable still
Dr Salti, Dr Khan and all the lovely surgical and oncology team- thank you for saving my life, to you I owe everything
To everyone who has donated money- you will change and save lives
And thankyou my angels who lead me to hospital.
For my nanny- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXxRyNvTPr8
For my Granddad Tom-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1LEISP6e9c
For granddad squirrel –
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Jgma--0WYU
and for Matt's Granddad I never got to meet-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcrfvP11Hbo
Now I am off to Drink Champagne at a 5 star hotel! Gossip will definitely follow as everyone is planning on getting "wasted"- quote from Tom!
Have a lovely day x
Merry Christmas everyone! May you have a day filled with love and laughter.
We met up with 'R & J' last night and had a lovely evening, finished with hot chocolate in a café overlooking the Dubai fountains! Ready for Christmas now. They have a new kitten and we got to see some cute pictures. I would love a kitten but Malika would definitely eat it! Talking of Malika by the time we get home she has done the unthinkable. I know something is wrong when we open the door. She runs out trying to hide behind the car. Yep she has opened half the Christmas presents! Now I explained to everyone that we musn't put any chocolates under the tree as she is a girl after my own heart. Unfortunately a box of chocolate covered nuts was forgotten and she ripped open all presents on her way to the chocs! Well we think it was her- she did cover her toy seal in chocolate also to try and lead us off the scent! It appears she has only opened the presents from Holly so holly will be gutted when she sees. She had gone to the extra effort of putting ribbons and bows on all presents and I'm sure Malika didn't appreciate this! Oh and she opened the only present I didn't know about for me- a portable DVD player for my chemo days. Thanks mum.
Presents opened in a frenzy! Malika is soo excited! She eats her stocking, her present and then sits in the wrapping paper. She then has a mad 5 minutes and runs around the house like a lunatic dancing with Holly! Someone has too much sugar this morning! Breakfast in the garden for us this morning as the weather is perfect.
Now Christmas is a time to be thankful and I definitely have a lot of people to be thankful for this year.
Mr Munchkin (!), my darling Husband- thank you for loving me unconditionally, supporting me, looking after me, putting up with my moaning, always making me laugh, being my rock, my life
Mum- I could not do this without you. I won't ever be able to repay you or thank you enough for giving your life up to come and look after me
Tom & Holly- sorry I have put you through the stress of always having to worry about the big C. You two mean the world to me and I will do anything to look after and protect you.
Dad- I can't forgive or forget but if a good has come out of cancer it's finding our relationship again. I missed you and I'm glad you are back in my life
Tash & Pedro- keep doing what you do best- making my little bro and sis so happy
Dubai friends- you guys have made me feel so loved in the last few weeks and I know you are all standing behind me as I take on this fight. You are my family and your support is uplifting
My lovely friends and family back home- I can feel your love and positivity across the waters! I miss you all so much and it is our memories and messages that keep me going
Simon & Cathy- thank you for your supportive words, love and positivity, and for letting me borrow Matt!
Our colleagues- thank you so much for your support. You are helping to make a bad time bearable and our real lives enjoyable still
Dr Salti, Dr Khan and all the lovely surgical and oncology team- thank you for saving my life, to you I owe everything
To everyone who has donated money- you will change and save lives
And thankyou my angels who lead me to hospital.
For my nanny- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXxRyNvTPr8
For my Granddad Tom-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1LEISP6e9c
For granddad squirrel –
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Jgma--0WYU
and for Matt's Granddad I never got to meet-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcrfvP11Hbo
Now I am off to Drink Champagne at a 5 star hotel! Gossip will definitely follow as everyone is planning on getting "wasted"- quote from Tom!
Have a lovely day x
Santa is coming
Day 51- Christmas Eve
Tom, Holly and Pedro stayed here last night as they landed too late to go round to Yummy Mummy 'K's house (which is where they are staying). When they see 'K's house they won't want to stay here again- her house is lovely. So Tom is on the couch, Holly and Pedro in the spare room and mum in with me. By the time we open Holly's birthday presents and I open my cards and presents from friends and family back home, it is nearly 2am! Late night for mum and I as we have been walking the dog and then in bed by 9!
Malika spends the night on the couch with her uncle! Naughty and daddy would be cross! Tom said it was because she was scared (!) but I think someone else might have been scared of sleeping downstairs! I also have a complaint about the IKEA bed spread- apparently the cotton is too hard for his (already mentioned!) sensitive skin!
Tom is up early to play golf with some family friends and we show Holly and Pedro round to the pool. I love showing people around our complex. It is really lovely and when you are showing visitors is makes you realize, well remember rather than realize, how lucky we are to live in a country where the sun is always shinning. I can't imagine having chemo in England right now and waking to cold grey days.
Although my life is pretty rubbish at the moment it does make you thankful for the small 'coincidences' that have occurred to make this experience easier for us. We are lucky we are in this villa not our old apartment- for size, comfort and beauty, we are lucky Matt is at his new school and therefore is fully supported by management, we are lucking mum quit her job a few weeks before I got ill, we are lucky we live in Dubai- financially and medically, we are lucky we never found a car to buy and therefore still have some savings.
Have period pain today and although sorry I am sharing this intimate detail with you, it means my ovaries have worked since chemo began. Yay this is good news! Now if they can carry on working for the next 6 months and not slip into early menopause I will be most grateful.
The last Christmas song today for a whole year so I have to choose wisely. After much debate and contemplation I decide my ultimate xmas song is……
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dn_wbUBH7QQ&feature=related
Off out to the mall now and then drinks on the 64th floor!
Hope Santa brings you everything you want tonight.
Tom, Holly and Pedro stayed here last night as they landed too late to go round to Yummy Mummy 'K's house (which is where they are staying). When they see 'K's house they won't want to stay here again- her house is lovely. So Tom is on the couch, Holly and Pedro in the spare room and mum in with me. By the time we open Holly's birthday presents and I open my cards and presents from friends and family back home, it is nearly 2am! Late night for mum and I as we have been walking the dog and then in bed by 9!
Malika spends the night on the couch with her uncle! Naughty and daddy would be cross! Tom said it was because she was scared (!) but I think someone else might have been scared of sleeping downstairs! I also have a complaint about the IKEA bed spread- apparently the cotton is too hard for his (already mentioned!) sensitive skin!
Tom is up early to play golf with some family friends and we show Holly and Pedro round to the pool. I love showing people around our complex. It is really lovely and when you are showing visitors is makes you realize, well remember rather than realize, how lucky we are to live in a country where the sun is always shinning. I can't imagine having chemo in England right now and waking to cold grey days.
Although my life is pretty rubbish at the moment it does make you thankful for the small 'coincidences' that have occurred to make this experience easier for us. We are lucky we are in this villa not our old apartment- for size, comfort and beauty, we are lucky Matt is at his new school and therefore is fully supported by management, we are lucking mum quit her job a few weeks before I got ill, we are lucky we live in Dubai- financially and medically, we are lucky we never found a car to buy and therefore still have some savings.
Have period pain today and although sorry I am sharing this intimate detail with you, it means my ovaries have worked since chemo began. Yay this is good news! Now if they can carry on working for the next 6 months and not slip into early menopause I will be most grateful.
The last Christmas song today for a whole year so I have to choose wisely. After much debate and contemplation I decide my ultimate xmas song is……
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dn_wbUBH7QQ&feature=related
Off out to the mall now and then drinks on the 64th floor!
Hope Santa brings you everything you want tonight.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Day 50 already!
Day 50- Friday
Day bloody 50! How time flies when you are having fun?!
Wake feeling very tired. The diarrhea continues. I thought the laxatives were bad then welcome to chemo! Start to worry myself that at this rate I am going to dehydrate so I phone the oncologist on call. Told I need to eat the BRAT diet- bananas, rice, apple sauce and toast! Sounds delicious! Take Imodium and drink lots. Have to send mum out for the Imodium. Mum is surprised by the fact I don't keep a supply of Imodium at home as I am very organized with basic medicines, but as I point out, I'm very lucky with my bowels and rarely have a tummy upset!!!!!!
Couple of things from yesterday that I didn’t have the energy to write about. Mum and I watch 'Noel's presents'. I always find this programme sad and tragic but puts a whole different spin on it watching it from the cancer camp. Makes me feel panicky. Normally I sob throughout the whole thing but I think that if I start I might not stop. Watch the programme slightly on edge and pleased when it finishes.
We skype my aunty, uncle and cousin in Spain. My uncle had similar surgery to me back in the summer so we compare scars! Mine is definitely neater, well done Dr Salti! But we both have the 'valley' that makes the stomach look like a mountain side! In fact if you turn sideways the stomach looks like a bottom! He has a big bottom and I have a small one!
Tom, Holly and Pedro arrive tonight. Unfortunately I'm not well enough to pick them up. Very excited about seeing them and we will have all the Christmas lights on for them. I feel Malika is going to be wild! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Christmas so REALLY hoping I feel better tomorrow.
Miss Matt especially when not feeling my best. Wish I could have a real snuggle and not a virtual one………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZ8-UT8ojrk
Day bloody 50! How time flies when you are having fun?!
Wake feeling very tired. The diarrhea continues. I thought the laxatives were bad then welcome to chemo! Start to worry myself that at this rate I am going to dehydrate so I phone the oncologist on call. Told I need to eat the BRAT diet- bananas, rice, apple sauce and toast! Sounds delicious! Take Imodium and drink lots. Have to send mum out for the Imodium. Mum is surprised by the fact I don't keep a supply of Imodium at home as I am very organized with basic medicines, but as I point out, I'm very lucky with my bowels and rarely have a tummy upset!!!!!!
Couple of things from yesterday that I didn’t have the energy to write about. Mum and I watch 'Noel's presents'. I always find this programme sad and tragic but puts a whole different spin on it watching it from the cancer camp. Makes me feel panicky. Normally I sob throughout the whole thing but I think that if I start I might not stop. Watch the programme slightly on edge and pleased when it finishes.
We skype my aunty, uncle and cousin in Spain. My uncle had similar surgery to me back in the summer so we compare scars! Mine is definitely neater, well done Dr Salti! But we both have the 'valley' that makes the stomach look like a mountain side! In fact if you turn sideways the stomach looks like a bottom! He has a big bottom and I have a small one!
Tom, Holly and Pedro arrive tonight. Unfortunately I'm not well enough to pick them up. Very excited about seeing them and we will have all the Christmas lights on for them. I feel Malika is going to be wild! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Christmas so REALLY hoping I feel better tomorrow.
Miss Matt especially when not feeling my best. Wish I could have a real snuggle and not a virtual one………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZ8-UT8ojrk
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Fed up
Day 49-Thursday
Give myself diarrhea today. Food tastes so bland so I ask mum to make Indian. Tastes good but BIG mistake. Now I know why they said no spicey food when you are having chemo!
Getting fed up now. Fatigue is boring me as is groundhog day. Please feel better tomorrow.
Give myself diarrhea today. Food tastes so bland so I ask mum to make Indian. Tastes good but BIG mistake. Now I know why they said no spicey food when you are having chemo!
Getting fed up now. Fatigue is boring me as is groundhog day. Please feel better tomorrow.
P.S. Happy Birthday to my little sister x
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Beardy face flies home for xmas
Day 48 – Wednesday
Not feeling very well today, same as Wednesday 2 weeks ago. Feel tired without being able to sleep and very fidgety. Nausea is slightly worse and I have two mouth ulcers. Definitely feeling sorry for myself.
Matt's going today, I will miss him. Think he is glad to be getting away from my moaning though he assures me this is not the case.
Tired
Day 47 – Tuesday
Matt writing for me today as feeling so tired. Nausea slightly worse but still better than last cycle. Pump out without any issues, lost 0.5 KG over last couple of days – don't know how but not complaining! I'm thinking the galaxy chocolate bar diet works best for me, mixed in with some doritos! I've got to keep an eye on muscle twitching and jaw pain in case it is toxicity from one of the chemo medicines. Spend most of the day snoozing or resting my eyes because they feel so heavy.
Good news is the chemo seems to be giving me dandruff which I've never had before in my life. Which along with the acne should make me look really good for xmas day.
Roll on the weekend when hopefully I should start to feel better.
Matt writing for me today as feeling so tired. Nausea slightly worse but still better than last cycle. Pump out without any issues, lost 0.5 KG over last couple of days – don't know how but not complaining! I'm thinking the galaxy chocolate bar diet works best for me, mixed in with some doritos! I've got to keep an eye on muscle twitching and jaw pain in case it is toxicity from one of the chemo medicines. Spend most of the day snoozing or resting my eyes because they feel so heavy.
Good news is the chemo seems to be giving me dandruff which I've never had before in my life. Which along with the acne should make me look really good for xmas day.
Roll on the weekend when hopefully I should start to feel better.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Early presents
Day 46- Monday
Bad evening. Toss and turn all night with mind racing. Got muscle twitching in my right wrist, right buttock, right jaw and both calf and shin muscles- random and not very pleasant. Nausea coming in quite strong waves. Definitely worse symptoms than 2 weeks ago Sunday.
However apart from feeling tired I don't feel as bad today. Nausea only about a 3/10. Taking my anti-nausea tablets every 5 hours which seems to be working better than every 6 hours. Also had my new medicine this morning which suppresses stomach acid production so these are obviously helping to. I am getting random jaw pain on both sides when I start to chew anything though. Weird. Manage to look up some magazine editors for work and play a game of Pictionary with Matt which I win! Talking of Matt, he has left his sick wife at home receiving chemo whilst he has gone to the driving range!
Matt opens his xmas presents from mum. She has bought him some t-shirts and jumpers and he will need them for England. He also opens his present from Malika- a pair of slippers because his feet are always cold. She helps him open the wrapping and then runs off with the slippers! Obviously doesn't quite get the idea of giving gifts!
Overall a good day and let's hope the next few days are just like today. Feel half normal and way better than actually expected. Manage to have a bath and wash my hair on my own. Matt dries it for me but mainly because I am just feeling lazy! Today's song……… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FZtN7T5PXM
Bad evening. Toss and turn all night with mind racing. Got muscle twitching in my right wrist, right buttock, right jaw and both calf and shin muscles- random and not very pleasant. Nausea coming in quite strong waves. Definitely worse symptoms than 2 weeks ago Sunday.
However apart from feeling tired I don't feel as bad today. Nausea only about a 3/10. Taking my anti-nausea tablets every 5 hours which seems to be working better than every 6 hours. Also had my new medicine this morning which suppresses stomach acid production so these are obviously helping to. I am getting random jaw pain on both sides when I start to chew anything though. Weird. Manage to look up some magazine editors for work and play a game of Pictionary with Matt which I win! Talking of Matt, he has left his sick wife at home receiving chemo whilst he has gone to the driving range!
Matt opens his xmas presents from mum. She has bought him some t-shirts and jumpers and he will need them for England. He also opens his present from Malika- a pair of slippers because his feet are always cold. She helps him open the wrapping and then runs off with the slippers! Obviously doesn't quite get the idea of giving gifts!
Overall a good day and let's hope the next few days are just like today. Feel half normal and way better than actually expected. Manage to have a bath and wash my hair on my own. Matt dries it for me but mainly because I am just feeling lazy! Today's song……… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FZtN7T5PXM
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Rooney
Day 45- Sunday
Time to kick Rooney's arse!
We had a catfish back in the UK that was so ugly we called him Rooney! He started off about an inch big and grew to about 8 inches! He was really shy and spent the whole time in his cave! We had lovely tropical fish and we even managed to have a few pregnancies and babies! Our fish now live with a lovely family back home where two little boys look after them. They agreed to look after them for 2 years, which is how long we initially thought we would be out here! Looks like they may be having them a little longer, like forever! As no plans to come home yet!
Toss and turn through the night and wake early feeling tired and nervous. Realize I have forgotten to take the ginger the last few days. This panics me slightly in case it was the ginger tablets that helped keep the nausea (just!) in control. In fact I feel I am going to become really superstitious about all my different meds and routine around chemo………….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=NT8t5BWniFE&feature=endscreen
Weigh myself and I have put on 1kg in the last two weeks. Randomly my clothes feel looser though but my boobs look slightly bigger! How good would it be if I only put weight back on on my boobs! Wishful thinking I think! Still this is probably a sign that I need to start limiting my calorie intake to a normal level and maybe just have one treat a day! Thank god the cake is finished because I was having about 3 slices a day it was so good!
So Matt brings me to the hospital. He has delayed his flight home by a few days to take me to chemo. This will be the only one he can take me to. So mum has another day off! After an hour of sitting around waiting for my blood test results to come back Matt is already bored! I did warn him! He is now entertaining himself by writing me messages on the i-pad and taking pictures of me!
Had some pain with the needle going into the portacath today. So much for the magic cream! All over in a second though. Dr 'K' comes to check on me. We discuss side effects and he may give me another med to help with the nausea. Bloods are back and blood count OK for me to be hit again today! So off we go! Pre-meds begin. Which will be followed shortly by needing the toilet, a lot!
There is a film crew in the hospital today interviewing the oncologists. The nurses have told them they can't film in here which although slightly disappointing as this could have been my chance of fame, is probably for the best as I haven't bothered with make-up today so look a bit rough. In fact my skin is terrible so trying not to wear make-up when I can. Have little pimples all over my forehead, down my checks, and around my neck. Really disgusting but nurse 'N' says chemo can do this as you body is dealing with all the horrible chemicals. Bloody chemo! Face masks seem to make it worse. The camel soap is helping to dry my now really oily skin but find I am needing to wash my face 3-4 times a day!
So bored. Matt has gone to sort out laxatives for Tom and Holly (!) and I can't reach my book! Watch mindless American celebrity reality rubbish, play solitaire and the addictive bee game on the i-pad. Run out of things to do and slowly going out of my mind! There have also been 2 cardiac arrest calls in the last 30 minutes. They announce what room it is happening in for those nosey folk that might want to have a look!
Have lunch- same menu as last week! Decide on the Arabic fish with roast potatoes, Chinese veg and spring rolls! Quite a combination! Finish with good old sticky toffee pudding! Nurse 'M' comments on my large meal but I need to make the most of not feeling nauseous! No one else in the clinic is having lunch! Oh well, there's always one!
Wees- 6 in 6 hours- not really normal considering each wee is a big one! Guess it's to be expected as I'm being pumped full of fluid and medicine. But again I seem to be the only patient who has this problem! Special weak bladder maybe?! Washing my hands the final time and the water comes out cold- causes my left fingers to get pins and needles. Passes quickly though.
Discover that Rooney scores after 52 seconds today! He is fighting back! Either that or I have some strange power of predicting goal scorers. Watch this space to see if it is fluke or magic! I have been known to be able to predict goal scorers and times of goals in the past. Years ago, when I was in my early 20's, England had a match. As I was walking past a bookies I said Alan Shearer will score in the 58th minute to my friend. Stupidly didn’t put on a bet as Shearer did exactly that! Honestly, no lie!
This may be my last long blog for the next week. Will get Matt to help me but when he goes on Wednesday it will just be mum and I. Not sure mum will be any good at typing but we may give it a go! Finally leave the hospital and get weird spasm and twitch in my right thumb all the way home- very annoying. Now I'm developing jelly legs and shakey hands. Finding it difficult to lift arms to type- lost all energy. Here we go…………….
Time to kick Rooney's arse!
We had a catfish back in the UK that was so ugly we called him Rooney! He started off about an inch big and grew to about 8 inches! He was really shy and spent the whole time in his cave! We had lovely tropical fish and we even managed to have a few pregnancies and babies! Our fish now live with a lovely family back home where two little boys look after them. They agreed to look after them for 2 years, which is how long we initially thought we would be out here! Looks like they may be having them a little longer, like forever! As no plans to come home yet!
Toss and turn through the night and wake early feeling tired and nervous. Realize I have forgotten to take the ginger the last few days. This panics me slightly in case it was the ginger tablets that helped keep the nausea (just!) in control. In fact I feel I am going to become really superstitious about all my different meds and routine around chemo………….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=NT8t5BWniFE&feature=endscreen
Weigh myself and I have put on 1kg in the last two weeks. Randomly my clothes feel looser though but my boobs look slightly bigger! How good would it be if I only put weight back on on my boobs! Wishful thinking I think! Still this is probably a sign that I need to start limiting my calorie intake to a normal level and maybe just have one treat a day! Thank god the cake is finished because I was having about 3 slices a day it was so good!
So Matt brings me to the hospital. He has delayed his flight home by a few days to take me to chemo. This will be the only one he can take me to. So mum has another day off! After an hour of sitting around waiting for my blood test results to come back Matt is already bored! I did warn him! He is now entertaining himself by writing me messages on the i-pad and taking pictures of me!
Had some pain with the needle going into the portacath today. So much for the magic cream! All over in a second though. Dr 'K' comes to check on me. We discuss side effects and he may give me another med to help with the nausea. Bloods are back and blood count OK for me to be hit again today! So off we go! Pre-meds begin. Which will be followed shortly by needing the toilet, a lot!
There is a film crew in the hospital today interviewing the oncologists. The nurses have told them they can't film in here which although slightly disappointing as this could have been my chance of fame, is probably for the best as I haven't bothered with make-up today so look a bit rough. In fact my skin is terrible so trying not to wear make-up when I can. Have little pimples all over my forehead, down my checks, and around my neck. Really disgusting but nurse 'N' says chemo can do this as you body is dealing with all the horrible chemicals. Bloody chemo! Face masks seem to make it worse. The camel soap is helping to dry my now really oily skin but find I am needing to wash my face 3-4 times a day!
So bored. Matt has gone to sort out laxatives for Tom and Holly (!) and I can't reach my book! Watch mindless American celebrity reality rubbish, play solitaire and the addictive bee game on the i-pad. Run out of things to do and slowly going out of my mind! There have also been 2 cardiac arrest calls in the last 30 minutes. They announce what room it is happening in for those nosey folk that might want to have a look!
Have lunch- same menu as last week! Decide on the Arabic fish with roast potatoes, Chinese veg and spring rolls! Quite a combination! Finish with good old sticky toffee pudding! Nurse 'M' comments on my large meal but I need to make the most of not feeling nauseous! No one else in the clinic is having lunch! Oh well, there's always one!
Wees- 6 in 6 hours- not really normal considering each wee is a big one! Guess it's to be expected as I'm being pumped full of fluid and medicine. But again I seem to be the only patient who has this problem! Special weak bladder maybe?! Washing my hands the final time and the water comes out cold- causes my left fingers to get pins and needles. Passes quickly though.
Discover that Rooney scores after 52 seconds today! He is fighting back! Either that or I have some strange power of predicting goal scorers. Watch this space to see if it is fluke or magic! I have been known to be able to predict goal scorers and times of goals in the past. Years ago, when I was in my early 20's, England had a match. As I was walking past a bookies I said Alan Shearer will score in the 58th minute to my friend. Stupidly didn’t put on a bet as Shearer did exactly that! Honestly, no lie!
This may be my last long blog for the next week. Will get Matt to help me but when he goes on Wednesday it will just be mum and I. Not sure mum will be any good at typing but we may give it a go! Finally leave the hospital and get weird spasm and twitch in my right thumb all the way home- very annoying. Now I'm developing jelly legs and shakey hands. Finding it difficult to lift arms to type- lost all energy. Here we go…………….
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Cars
Day 44- Saturday
Had such a good time last night. The comedians were all excellent and good to catch up with 'R & J', 'K & J' and 'D'. 'D' has a Brazilian friend that lives in Dubai so we plan to potentially meet up on Boxing day for Pedro (my sister's boyfriend), who is also Brazilian, to meet them and do some surfing. I also achieved one of the things on my 'Second chance of life' list! 'K' very kindly drove me home in his Bentley- my favourite car! The car is amazing and I got massaged by the seat the whole way home!
We are up early to take yummy mummy 'K' and her family to the airport. They are very kindly letting us use their big car over the Christmas period. The car is again amazing. Definitely getting car envy this weekend! ………….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-GFqhCq2HA
We book up for new year. We are going to a Mardi Gras party being held at a rooftop garden. We had to ask if it would be OK to bring the wheelchair to the edge of the dance floor in case I am too tired to dance. The manager looks a little surprised as I appear to be walking and moving fine today. It could be the ultimate 'Little Britain'- wheeled to the dance floor, up throwing some shapes for an hour or so and then wheeled back to the table!
We discuss buying a puppy! We would love one but not sure if Malika would eat it! Would be perfect timing as mum and I are home for the next 6 months to train it. We look on K9 Friends page, the rescue centre where we got Malika, and there are a few male puppies available. All so cute! We agree that we would have to bring Malika to meet the puppy before we decide in case she is aggressive. Hoping that she would smell that he is a puppy and become maternal rather than carnivore-al! It could go the other way and she thinks it's her puppy and doesn't let us go near it! More thinking to do!
So chemo tomorrow- here we go again. Started to feel fed up but then pulled myself together and remembered Chemo is my friend and every side effect I get is also the cancer cells being killed. Got to keep with this mantra. Summary of first chemo cycle- 1 long boring day at the hospital, 3 bad days, 1 really bad day, 3 average days, 3 good days and 3 days being completely back to normal. That is definitely manageable so praying I am not one of the people that gets worsening symptoms as the cycles go on. Feel like I want to cry but nothing will be gained by crying so I don't! It feels like the last night of the summer holiday when you are at school. You are nervous about the next day, you really don't want to go but you know you have to and in the long run it is the best thing for you! Times by a million!
My brother in law says 11 more chemos is like 11 football players. Need to get past one player at a time until I can finally score a goal. Going to work on 4-4-2 formation with good players that I dislike as a Chelsea fan. So starting at the front, tomorrow's chemo session is Rooney!
I finish the evening with Haagen Dazs pralines and cream. I am not even hungry but not allowed anything cold for the next week so making the most of it tonight!
Had such a good time last night. The comedians were all excellent and good to catch up with 'R & J', 'K & J' and 'D'. 'D' has a Brazilian friend that lives in Dubai so we plan to potentially meet up on Boxing day for Pedro (my sister's boyfriend), who is also Brazilian, to meet them and do some surfing. I also achieved one of the things on my 'Second chance of life' list! 'K' very kindly drove me home in his Bentley- my favourite car! The car is amazing and I got massaged by the seat the whole way home!
We are up early to take yummy mummy 'K' and her family to the airport. They are very kindly letting us use their big car over the Christmas period. The car is again amazing. Definitely getting car envy this weekend! ………….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-GFqhCq2HA
We book up for new year. We are going to a Mardi Gras party being held at a rooftop garden. We had to ask if it would be OK to bring the wheelchair to the edge of the dance floor in case I am too tired to dance. The manager looks a little surprised as I appear to be walking and moving fine today. It could be the ultimate 'Little Britain'- wheeled to the dance floor, up throwing some shapes for an hour or so and then wheeled back to the table!
We discuss buying a puppy! We would love one but not sure if Malika would eat it! Would be perfect timing as mum and I are home for the next 6 months to train it. We look on K9 Friends page, the rescue centre where we got Malika, and there are a few male puppies available. All so cute! We agree that we would have to bring Malika to meet the puppy before we decide in case she is aggressive. Hoping that she would smell that he is a puppy and become maternal rather than carnivore-al! It could go the other way and she thinks it's her puppy and doesn't let us go near it! More thinking to do!
So chemo tomorrow- here we go again. Started to feel fed up but then pulled myself together and remembered Chemo is my friend and every side effect I get is also the cancer cells being killed. Got to keep with this mantra. Summary of first chemo cycle- 1 long boring day at the hospital, 3 bad days, 1 really bad day, 3 average days, 3 good days and 3 days being completely back to normal. That is definitely manageable so praying I am not one of the people that gets worsening symptoms as the cycles go on. Feel like I want to cry but nothing will be gained by crying so I don't! It feels like the last night of the summer holiday when you are at school. You are nervous about the next day, you really don't want to go but you know you have to and in the long run it is the best thing for you! Times by a million!
My brother in law says 11 more chemos is like 11 football players. Need to get past one player at a time until I can finally score a goal. Going to work on 4-4-2 formation with good players that I dislike as a Chelsea fan. So starting at the front, tomorrow's chemo session is Rooney!
I finish the evening with Haagen Dazs pralines and cream. I am not even hungry but not allowed anything cold for the next week so making the most of it tonight!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Moody
Day 43- Friday
Up early again today! Only had 7 hours sleep (I need 9-10 to be on top form!) and woken by Matt. He is excited as it's his Christmas holiday now!
Need a productive day as know will be useless next week. Wrap presents, write xmas cards, send emails about Dubai race (t-shirt order in to Beating Bowel Cancer) and make my scrap book. My scrap book is really good. I have all the emails, cards and facebook messages people have sent me printed and cut out in it. As well as being a memory book I am going to read it when I feel down. My scrap book song is……….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8smO4VS9134
Last night was really good. The birthday boy was drunk within the first hour as he is so rubbish at drinking games! Mr Tetley kept us entertained with stories all night! Unfortunately 'cancer' put a slight dampener on the evening as once I had eaten the steak I started getting pains around my right side again. So annoying that I couldn’t enjoy one night out being normal.
As the afternoon goes on I feel myself getting more and more in a bad mood. Think it is just knowing that next week I will feel bad and not want or be able to do much or leave the house. Don't feel sad, just down and moody. Hopefully the comedy club tonight will get me out of it.
Repaint my nails clear with gold glitter- sounds awful and very 80s but looks good. Well at least I like it! Wearing black skinny jeans and my sheer shirt that is meant to be one of my Christmas presents! Haven’t worn skinny jeans out in the evening for about 5 years- the last time my bum and thighs weren't huge! Wearing the new gold shoes again- cost so much have to get my moneys worth!
Forgot to mention last night that I dried and straightened by own hair. Same again tonight. So yesterday was the first official day in 40+ days that I have been completely independent. Depressing that probably come Tuesday mum will be washing and drying my hair again as I won't have the energy. Dr 'K' warned me that people normally hit a brick wall emotionally around the 4th round of treatment and so easy to see why. I have got to use Christmas day as my focus and aim.
Anyway, off now to cheer myself up!
Up early again today! Only had 7 hours sleep (I need 9-10 to be on top form!) and woken by Matt. He is excited as it's his Christmas holiday now!
Need a productive day as know will be useless next week. Wrap presents, write xmas cards, send emails about Dubai race (t-shirt order in to Beating Bowel Cancer) and make my scrap book. My scrap book is really good. I have all the emails, cards and facebook messages people have sent me printed and cut out in it. As well as being a memory book I am going to read it when I feel down. My scrap book song is……….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8smO4VS9134
Last night was really good. The birthday boy was drunk within the first hour as he is so rubbish at drinking games! Mr Tetley kept us entertained with stories all night! Unfortunately 'cancer' put a slight dampener on the evening as once I had eaten the steak I started getting pains around my right side again. So annoying that I couldn’t enjoy one night out being normal.
As the afternoon goes on I feel myself getting more and more in a bad mood. Think it is just knowing that next week I will feel bad and not want or be able to do much or leave the house. Don't feel sad, just down and moody. Hopefully the comedy club tonight will get me out of it.
Repaint my nails clear with gold glitter- sounds awful and very 80s but looks good. Well at least I like it! Wearing black skinny jeans and my sheer shirt that is meant to be one of my Christmas presents! Haven’t worn skinny jeans out in the evening for about 5 years- the last time my bum and thighs weren't huge! Wearing the new gold shoes again- cost so much have to get my moneys worth!
Forgot to mention last night that I dried and straightened by own hair. Same again tonight. So yesterday was the first official day in 40+ days that I have been completely independent. Depressing that probably come Tuesday mum will be washing and drying my hair again as I won't have the energy. Dr 'K' warned me that people normally hit a brick wall emotionally around the 4th round of treatment and so easy to see why. I have got to use Christmas day as my focus and aim.
Anyway, off now to cheer myself up!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
First night out!
Day 42- Thursday
Have a lie in- bliss! Slept badly last night. Was lying awake thinking about cancer reoccurrence. Not the most helpful thoughts when you are trying to get back to sleep.
I sit on the bed painting my nails and watching downloads whilst mum cleans the bedroom windows and polishes! This is the life! I could be a lady of luxury! Look at places to go for New Year's Eve. My chemo was meant to be on the 1st but the hospital is closed so been delayed to 2nd. This means we can now go out and celebrate!
Took mum to look around Matt's school. I haven’t seen it since it opened and it looks really good. It is really huge with great facilities for the kids. So cute looking at the drawings!
Head to Karama for Christmas presents. Get everything we needed and more! As always! The guy we always deal with gives me a Links of London friendship bracelet for good luck with my treatment. Very sweet and he says he is going to pray for me. He even gives us some money off as we say I am not working for 6 months! Perks of cancer!
I am sitting writing this eating the most delicious chocolate cake that one of the mums at Matt's school made for me. So spoilt these days! I shouldn't really be eating it as we are going out tonight> First night out in 2 months! It is 'M's birthday and we are going for a lovely steak night BBQ. I will be eating my first bit of red meat in 5 weeks also. My mouth is watering thinking of the juicy fillet steak! Planning on having a few glasses of wine. So for 'M'..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfZ0oRhIdqw
Off out now, tell you about it tomorrow!
Have a lie in- bliss! Slept badly last night. Was lying awake thinking about cancer reoccurrence. Not the most helpful thoughts when you are trying to get back to sleep.
I sit on the bed painting my nails and watching downloads whilst mum cleans the bedroom windows and polishes! This is the life! I could be a lady of luxury! Look at places to go for New Year's Eve. My chemo was meant to be on the 1st but the hospital is closed so been delayed to 2nd. This means we can now go out and celebrate!
Took mum to look around Matt's school. I haven’t seen it since it opened and it looks really good. It is really huge with great facilities for the kids. So cute looking at the drawings!
Head to Karama for Christmas presents. Get everything we needed and more! As always! The guy we always deal with gives me a Links of London friendship bracelet for good luck with my treatment. Very sweet and he says he is going to pray for me. He even gives us some money off as we say I am not working for 6 months! Perks of cancer!
I am sitting writing this eating the most delicious chocolate cake that one of the mums at Matt's school made for me. So spoilt these days! I shouldn't really be eating it as we are going out tonight> First night out in 2 months! It is 'M's birthday and we are going for a lovely steak night BBQ. I will be eating my first bit of red meat in 5 weeks also. My mouth is watering thinking of the juicy fillet steak! Planning on having a few glasses of wine. So for 'M'..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfZ0oRhIdqw
Off out now, tell you about it tomorrow!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
My baby bro
Day 41- Wednesday
Matt came home late last night from football having lost 9-1! Oh dear! I have been made to add that Matt set up the goal and is still the most valuable player they have! Good team spirit! I get woken early to a man moaning about a sore skid burn on this thigh. So at 6.40 this morning I am washing it with saline and applying an op-site dressing – all conveniently left over from my surgery! This burn will drive us both mad for weeks now- he will be groaning and waking me at night as it hurts to roll over!
Might as well get up now and do some work. Have a business meeting at the polo club with 'yummy mummy K'- I feel very grown up and official! Good news is I seem to be doing OK and don't get sacked!
Mum and I do the food shop today. I am in charge of the list and therefore the spending! We start by having a coffee and croissant-obviously! Ends up being expensive as I keep adding bars and bars of chocolate to the trolley and we decide to have an Arabic banquet for lunch! So now neither mum nor I are allowed to go shopping!
Spend nearly 2 hours on moonpig making cards! Love moonpig especially with living abroad. Designed Tom a really good birthday card back in October with photos of all the things he loves, including Spot the dog, Moesha (Tom's celebrity crush back in the 90's- in fact he carved her name on his desk, although he always denies this!), Liverpool FC and air conditioning units, along with Tash of course! If it had been a musical card it would have included…….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu0IvWwTN2U.
This was Tom's favourite song as a toddler. On school runs we would have to play it on repeat and he knew all the words!
My caps and sashes are ready- dad showed me on skype. They look really good. Having 25 of each brought over here to give to people fundraising for me. The fundraising is going really well, have raised nearly 2000 pounds. Thank you to everyone who has donated so far.
Speak to the lovely 'J'- catch up on work news. Arrange to hopefully go into work in January to watch 'J' with some patients to keep my brain switched on!
'E' pops round to discuss colon cancer facts as she is doing a work presentation on life changing events. I am apparently her inspiration! She is including colon cancer facts to help increase awareness and then mentioning she is running to raise money. She also mentions that whilst shopping yesterday she was in the queue waiting to pay and people kept pushing in front of the person in front of her. She was getting annoyed and stepped round to confront them only to find she was standing behind a mannequin! Hilarious! When I asked what the mannequin was wearing she said "a ski suit with goggles". Still making me laugh writing it!
Today I feel back to normal. May be helped by the fact that I am wearing a high necked t-shirt so I also look normal- no scars or portacath lumps on show! This makes me feel more positive about my upcoming chemo- have to remember there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Matt came home late last night from football having lost 9-1! Oh dear! I have been made to add that Matt set up the goal and is still the most valuable player they have! Good team spirit! I get woken early to a man moaning about a sore skid burn on this thigh. So at 6.40 this morning I am washing it with saline and applying an op-site dressing – all conveniently left over from my surgery! This burn will drive us both mad for weeks now- he will be groaning and waking me at night as it hurts to roll over!
Might as well get up now and do some work. Have a business meeting at the polo club with 'yummy mummy K'- I feel very grown up and official! Good news is I seem to be doing OK and don't get sacked!
Mum and I do the food shop today. I am in charge of the list and therefore the spending! We start by having a coffee and croissant-obviously! Ends up being expensive as I keep adding bars and bars of chocolate to the trolley and we decide to have an Arabic banquet for lunch! So now neither mum nor I are allowed to go shopping!
Spend nearly 2 hours on moonpig making cards! Love moonpig especially with living abroad. Designed Tom a really good birthday card back in October with photos of all the things he loves, including Spot the dog, Moesha (Tom's celebrity crush back in the 90's- in fact he carved her name on his desk, although he always denies this!), Liverpool FC and air conditioning units, along with Tash of course! If it had been a musical card it would have included…….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu0IvWwTN2U.
This was Tom's favourite song as a toddler. On school runs we would have to play it on repeat and he knew all the words!
My caps and sashes are ready- dad showed me on skype. They look really good. Having 25 of each brought over here to give to people fundraising for me. The fundraising is going really well, have raised nearly 2000 pounds. Thank you to everyone who has donated so far.
Speak to the lovely 'J'- catch up on work news. Arrange to hopefully go into work in January to watch 'J' with some patients to keep my brain switched on!
'E' pops round to discuss colon cancer facts as she is doing a work presentation on life changing events. I am apparently her inspiration! She is including colon cancer facts to help increase awareness and then mentioning she is running to raise money. She also mentions that whilst shopping yesterday she was in the queue waiting to pay and people kept pushing in front of the person in front of her. She was getting annoyed and stepped round to confront them only to find she was standing behind a mannequin! Hilarious! When I asked what the mannequin was wearing she said "a ski suit with goggles". Still making me laugh writing it!
Today I feel back to normal. May be helped by the fact that I am wearing a high necked t-shirt so I also look normal- no scars or portacath lumps on show! This makes me feel more positive about my upcoming chemo- have to remember there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Robin
Day 40- Tuesday
So Little Mix won X-Factor. I really liked their version of Silent Night . Sounded lovely. Here it is for those of you who didn't see… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vaw44gw4eTY
Watched 'The Roommate' last night when Matt was at football training. He can't handle the scary films so we have to wait for him to be out! Found an under-study for Dr Salti- Billy Zane! Look really similar!
Had a really long walk this morning- 30 minutes! By the end I had achy shins and calves! Home to shower and the water has broken again- no water pressure now. Have to wash my hair in the kitchen sink (pressure not high enough to reach upstairs!) Most sensible people would stay in and wait for the maintenance team to arrive so they can shower properly, but not us. Today mum and I are going shopping to buy outfits for Christmas day. Very excited! Decide on my old stomping ground- Mirdiff City Centre!
Manage to buy a dress in the first clothes shop and shoes in the first shoe shop. Unheard off- someone must be on my side! Now just have to find a strapless bra. Filled with dread over what size I am now and underwear shops are rubbish in Dubai. Hence 'yummy mummy K' opening one! Don't bother getting measured as sure they are not qualified bra fitters(unlike the staff that will be working at 'yummy mummy K's shop – good plug!) and as I am now an expert on putting on a bra correctly I figure I will do better! The good news is my boobs haven't shrunk as much as first thought! Definitely a smaller band size and cup size but not disastrous. No where in Dubai stocks a 28 or 30 (not yet anyway!!!) so had to buy a 32 and mum is going to take it in!!
The ladies in the final lingerie shop were very sweet and whilst I was in the changing room they asked mum why I was in a wheelchair. Mum explained I had cancer and was recovering from surgery and having chemo. I could hear them all "umming" and "aahhing". They all then made excuses to come into my changing room to see the scar!
We find mum a dress too and then she buys 6 pairs of shoes in shoe express for 60 quid! Bargain! We are loaded down with bags or actually I am loaded down with bags on my lap! True to form I get bumped into and hit whist in the wheelchair. Have another 'Little Britain' moment too. Get wheeled into the shoe shop, climb out , try on 3 inch stilettos, walk around shop for a few minutes in these stilettos, purchase them, return to the wheelchair and get pushed out! Some ladies shopping actually stop speaking and watch me do this! Embarrassing!
Try on a pair of size 0 trousers and I can do them up! I have about 4 muffin tops and serious overhang BUT they do up! Posh Spice eat your heart out! Have included a picture as evidence! Not one for the faint hearted!
Bought a stone robin today to go in the garden. Since my maternal grandfather died over 24 years ago we always have a robin in our garden in the UK. It doesn't matter what time of year, it is always there and follows to wherever we live. Mum and I believe this to be my grandfather's spirit. This year I bought a material robin to go on top of our tree instead of a star or angel so my granddad 'squirrel' can watch over us.
No more shopping now until after next batch of chemo :( Absolutely exhausted- been a very long, enjoyable day. Time to snuggle up in some PJs and watch another film. With some hot chocolate! And meringue and raspberries!! And some Ferrero Roches!!!
So Little Mix won X-Factor. I really liked their version of Silent Night . Sounded lovely. Here it is for those of you who didn't see… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vaw44gw4eTY
Watched 'The Roommate' last night when Matt was at football training. He can't handle the scary films so we have to wait for him to be out! Found an under-study for Dr Salti- Billy Zane! Look really similar!
Had a really long walk this morning- 30 minutes! By the end I had achy shins and calves! Home to shower and the water has broken again- no water pressure now. Have to wash my hair in the kitchen sink (pressure not high enough to reach upstairs!) Most sensible people would stay in and wait for the maintenance team to arrive so they can shower properly, but not us. Today mum and I are going shopping to buy outfits for Christmas day. Very excited! Decide on my old stomping ground- Mirdiff City Centre!
Manage to buy a dress in the first clothes shop and shoes in the first shoe shop. Unheard off- someone must be on my side! Now just have to find a strapless bra. Filled with dread over what size I am now and underwear shops are rubbish in Dubai. Hence 'yummy mummy K' opening one! Don't bother getting measured as sure they are not qualified bra fitters(unlike the staff that will be working at 'yummy mummy K's shop – good plug!) and as I am now an expert on putting on a bra correctly I figure I will do better! The good news is my boobs haven't shrunk as much as first thought! Definitely a smaller band size and cup size but not disastrous. No where in Dubai stocks a 28 or 30 (not yet anyway!!!) so had to buy a 32 and mum is going to take it in!!
The ladies in the final lingerie shop were very sweet and whilst I was in the changing room they asked mum why I was in a wheelchair. Mum explained I had cancer and was recovering from surgery and having chemo. I could hear them all "umming" and "aahhing". They all then made excuses to come into my changing room to see the scar!
We find mum a dress too and then she buys 6 pairs of shoes in shoe express for 60 quid! Bargain! We are loaded down with bags or actually I am loaded down with bags on my lap! True to form I get bumped into and hit whist in the wheelchair. Have another 'Little Britain' moment too. Get wheeled into the shoe shop, climb out , try on 3 inch stilettos, walk around shop for a few minutes in these stilettos, purchase them, return to the wheelchair and get pushed out! Some ladies shopping actually stop speaking and watch me do this! Embarrassing!
Try on a pair of size 0 trousers and I can do them up! I have about 4 muffin tops and serious overhang BUT they do up! Posh Spice eat your heart out! Have included a picture as evidence! Not one for the faint hearted!
Bought a stone robin today to go in the garden. Since my maternal grandfather died over 24 years ago we always have a robin in our garden in the UK. It doesn't matter what time of year, it is always there and follows to wherever we live. Mum and I believe this to be my grandfather's spirit. This year I bought a material robin to go on top of our tree instead of a star or angel so my granddad 'squirrel' can watch over us.
No more shopping now until after next batch of chemo :( Absolutely exhausted- been a very long, enjoyable day. Time to snuggle up in some PJs and watch another film. With some hot chocolate! And meringue and raspberries!! And some Ferrero Roches!!!
Monday, December 12, 2011
A dog's life
Day 39-Monday
Up early again today! Shows how fatigued I much have been before my diagnosis as was sleeping for hours after Matt left for work. Wake with my mind full of work jobs. Have a lot to do and because I know I will feel rough next week and then it's Christmas week (yay!) I need to get things done. My head is a constant check list of what I need to do, what Matt needs to do and normally what my patients need to do! I find it very hard to switch off and let my mind relax. This is something I hope to work on over the next 6 months.
I spend 6 hours working and get loads done. In fact I'm starting to get excited about the new business I am helping! I consider a change of career and becoming a professional bra fitter but then I realize that instead of correcting a poor fitting bra I would start to correct shoulder blade position, muscle imbalance and overall posture! Think I'm always destined to be a physio! So for my new found work addiction………..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlDdcCzKjsc&feature=related
We are trying to decide on a summer holiday. We were planning to head back to the UK for a week and then go on to Italy. This won't be happening now as we will have no money! I suggest home to see friends and family and then maybe a few nights in Ireland. Matt suggests camping. Now, when I have spent 6 months of my life having chemo and fighting cancer I do not wish to celebrate my survival by sleeping in a field not being able to straighten my hair! Does my husband not know me at all?!
I am definitely not an 'outdoorsy' type of girl. In fact I'm relatively high maintenance- probably why Dubai suits me so much! I appreciate the finer things in life and wearing wellies, sharing a communal shower and sleeping on the floor does not appeal. Getting dressed up, wearing hotel bath robes and sleeping in Egyptian cotton sheets sounds more like it! If only I had married for money not love!
Malika has been in trouble today. Last night she became very protective of me and grabbed Matt's arm when he tried to move. She hasn't done this for ages and it's because she has been spoilt since 'nanny' has been here. We have been letting her up on the couch for a cuddle and occasionally on the bed! Mum is treating her the whole time and she is actually starting to get a bit of a fat tummy! All this spoiling has led to her thinking she is the alpha pouch! So last night she got a telling off and she knew she had gone too far- she let us 'put' her in the garden without too much of a fight. Today she has been sulking but well behaved. I kept her on a tight lead for her walk and we did some of her obedience tricks, which she loves as it involves praise and treats for tricks she could do with her eyes shut! She is a very clever dog and she knows how to behave well she just chooses not to. It all seems to be working so we just need to keep it up so she knows her place. We once read that a dog does not want to be the alpha but will step up if they have to. She needs to trust her father to be the man of the house!
Waiting to watch X-Factor final. Have been looking at facebook through one eye today in case someone had posted the results! Love X-Factor and like both the finalist so don't really mind who wins. I will be eating a meringue with raspberries whilst I watch it though- my new favourite snack!
Exercise- a 20 minute walk (good hey!), calories- about 3000, nails- navy, facemasks- 1, weight- daren’t get on the scales!!!
Up early again today! Shows how fatigued I much have been before my diagnosis as was sleeping for hours after Matt left for work. Wake with my mind full of work jobs. Have a lot to do and because I know I will feel rough next week and then it's Christmas week (yay!) I need to get things done. My head is a constant check list of what I need to do, what Matt needs to do and normally what my patients need to do! I find it very hard to switch off and let my mind relax. This is something I hope to work on over the next 6 months.
I spend 6 hours working and get loads done. In fact I'm starting to get excited about the new business I am helping! I consider a change of career and becoming a professional bra fitter but then I realize that instead of correcting a poor fitting bra I would start to correct shoulder blade position, muscle imbalance and overall posture! Think I'm always destined to be a physio! So for my new found work addiction………..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlDdcCzKjsc&feature=related
We are trying to decide on a summer holiday. We were planning to head back to the UK for a week and then go on to Italy. This won't be happening now as we will have no money! I suggest home to see friends and family and then maybe a few nights in Ireland. Matt suggests camping. Now, when I have spent 6 months of my life having chemo and fighting cancer I do not wish to celebrate my survival by sleeping in a field not being able to straighten my hair! Does my husband not know me at all?!
I am definitely not an 'outdoorsy' type of girl. In fact I'm relatively high maintenance- probably why Dubai suits me so much! I appreciate the finer things in life and wearing wellies, sharing a communal shower and sleeping on the floor does not appeal. Getting dressed up, wearing hotel bath robes and sleeping in Egyptian cotton sheets sounds more like it! If only I had married for money not love!
Malika has been in trouble today. Last night she became very protective of me and grabbed Matt's arm when he tried to move. She hasn't done this for ages and it's because she has been spoilt since 'nanny' has been here. We have been letting her up on the couch for a cuddle and occasionally on the bed! Mum is treating her the whole time and she is actually starting to get a bit of a fat tummy! All this spoiling has led to her thinking she is the alpha pouch! So last night she got a telling off and she knew she had gone too far- she let us 'put' her in the garden without too much of a fight. Today she has been sulking but well behaved. I kept her on a tight lead for her walk and we did some of her obedience tricks, which she loves as it involves praise and treats for tricks she could do with her eyes shut! She is a very clever dog and she knows how to behave well she just chooses not to. It all seems to be working so we just need to keep it up so she knows her place. We once read that a dog does not want to be the alpha but will step up if they have to. She needs to trust her father to be the man of the house!
Waiting to watch X-Factor final. Have been looking at facebook through one eye today in case someone had posted the results! Love X-Factor and like both the finalist so don't really mind who wins. I will be eating a meringue with raspberries whilst I watch it though- my new favourite snack!
Exercise- a 20 minute walk (good hey!), calories- about 3000, nails- navy, facemasks- 1, weight- daren’t get on the scales!!!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
A day of points
Day 38- Sunday
Up at 7am when Matt goes to work. Decide I need to get on with my work today so make a cup of tea (Earl grey, have gone off the usual green tea at the moment) and get started. I have never known so much about bra sizes and big boobs! In fact today's song is included for two reasons. 1) the line "the big bosom lady.." and 2) this is my favourite Rod song. The chorus has the most beautiful words and always makes me think of Matt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTFKPdWw1Gc
Mum and I head to Ikea. I want to redecorate our bedroom so it is nice for when I am lying in bed on chemo days. This annoys Matt as every time I change the colours I buy more cushions and he hates cushions on the bed. He doesn’t seem to appreciate that they look nice and it doesn’t matter if they are comfortable or not! Also find material for new blinds in the lounge but annoyingly out of stock until after Christmas. This winds me up! I am a person, that once I have decided on something, I want things actioned immediately! Anyway will have to wait but at least we buy mum a sewing machine in preparation! Now before you all think I am a complete madam and feel sorry for my 'slave' mother, mum loves making things so this project excites her!
Tom and Tash skype. Lovely to speak to Tash. Hear stories of my brother throwing up in my mum's car and missing nights out with his friends because of hangovers! He is re-enacting his Uni days with mum being out of his hair! Although, my precious little brother is still being 'looked after' with Dad buying him food and paying for a cleaner whilst mum is here. I think everyone forgets he is 24 years old with a full time job and pension!
Had an 'Andy from Little Britain' moment today! When we arrived at Festival City we only had a 500 dirham note to pay the taxi driver. After the driver got my wheelchair out of the car, I thought it would be quicker if I walked inside to buy a drink and get change. I slowly shuffle in to find the first two places I try don't have change either. End up walking around for nearly 10 minutes before returning to the taxi. Then get 'put' in my wheelchair and wheeled back in by mum! People definitely noticed!
Being in a wheelchair in Dubai is very hard though. "Sure ,right" I hear you say! "What can be hard about being pushed around?!" There are a number of points to my answer (points seem to be a common theme to today's blog!).
1) People stare. Now I understand this as you do not see many people in wheelchairs in Dubai so people are obviously curious. Especially when I look 'normal'- debatable I know!
2) Wheelchair access is unpredictable in Dubai. I very often have to 'jump out' of my chair to get up/down a curb. Just as well my legs work!
3) People do not move out of the way. Quite often we have to ask people to move or actually go around them. Now I don't understand this. If I see someone coming towards me in a wheelchair or pushing a pram I will alter my path to make things easier for them. This just doesn't happen very often here
4) People with perfectly functioning bodies use the lift so you can't fit in with the wheelchair. THERE ARE STAIRS! And if you are feeling really lazy THERE ARE ESCALATORS!
5) Mum 'leaves me' in annoying places, like facing a shelf of towels, whilst she looks around!
6) You can't look at the things you want to look at, at the speed you wish to look at them! Although I think Matt uses this point to hurry up a shopping trip!
7) It does make your bum sore and your back stiff! Shouldn't really moan though, as I'm sure it is worse for the person pushing!
However, in general, my wheelchair has been a god send. The malls in Dubai are so big that if I was walking I would probably only last half an hour, and that's no kind of shopping! My walking is getting much better now. I can stand up straight and tall (well, unless I have been sitting for a few hours, and then it takes me a few minutes to stretch out!), I can walk at a moderate speed and I don't get too tired. Over the next few days I am going to introduce some gentle exercises. I am not 'allowed' to exercise properly until 6 weeks post the abdominal surgery but I'm thinking some gentle pilates and light arm weights may come in useful. Especially with my rugby- playing –man- sized appetite!
Talking of food, I just had a salad of 'superfoods' carrot, beetroot and pomegranate for dinner. Does that balance out my two course lunch, 1/4 pack of Pringles and bar of hazelnut chocolate?! I know I have to look after myself better. I need only healthy food to support my weakened- by- chemo body! I will get good but I'm thinking the New Year is a good starting point! Maybe my body is craving 3000 calories and lots of salt and sugar! It could be!!!
On a positive note, I have done 3 poos today!
Up at 7am when Matt goes to work. Decide I need to get on with my work today so make a cup of tea (Earl grey, have gone off the usual green tea at the moment) and get started. I have never known so much about bra sizes and big boobs! In fact today's song is included for two reasons. 1) the line "the big bosom lady.." and 2) this is my favourite Rod song. The chorus has the most beautiful words and always makes me think of Matt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTFKPdWw1Gc
Mum and I head to Ikea. I want to redecorate our bedroom so it is nice for when I am lying in bed on chemo days. This annoys Matt as every time I change the colours I buy more cushions and he hates cushions on the bed. He doesn’t seem to appreciate that they look nice and it doesn’t matter if they are comfortable or not! Also find material for new blinds in the lounge but annoyingly out of stock until after Christmas. This winds me up! I am a person, that once I have decided on something, I want things actioned immediately! Anyway will have to wait but at least we buy mum a sewing machine in preparation! Now before you all think I am a complete madam and feel sorry for my 'slave' mother, mum loves making things so this project excites her!
Tom and Tash skype. Lovely to speak to Tash. Hear stories of my brother throwing up in my mum's car and missing nights out with his friends because of hangovers! He is re-enacting his Uni days with mum being out of his hair! Although, my precious little brother is still being 'looked after' with Dad buying him food and paying for a cleaner whilst mum is here. I think everyone forgets he is 24 years old with a full time job and pension!
Had an 'Andy from Little Britain' moment today! When we arrived at Festival City we only had a 500 dirham note to pay the taxi driver. After the driver got my wheelchair out of the car, I thought it would be quicker if I walked inside to buy a drink and get change. I slowly shuffle in to find the first two places I try don't have change either. End up walking around for nearly 10 minutes before returning to the taxi. Then get 'put' in my wheelchair and wheeled back in by mum! People definitely noticed!
Being in a wheelchair in Dubai is very hard though. "Sure ,right" I hear you say! "What can be hard about being pushed around?!" There are a number of points to my answer (points seem to be a common theme to today's blog!).
1) People stare. Now I understand this as you do not see many people in wheelchairs in Dubai so people are obviously curious. Especially when I look 'normal'- debatable I know!
2) Wheelchair access is unpredictable in Dubai. I very often have to 'jump out' of my chair to get up/down a curb. Just as well my legs work!
3) People do not move out of the way. Quite often we have to ask people to move or actually go around them. Now I don't understand this. If I see someone coming towards me in a wheelchair or pushing a pram I will alter my path to make things easier for them. This just doesn't happen very often here
4) People with perfectly functioning bodies use the lift so you can't fit in with the wheelchair. THERE ARE STAIRS! And if you are feeling really lazy THERE ARE ESCALATORS!
5) Mum 'leaves me' in annoying places, like facing a shelf of towels, whilst she looks around!
6) You can't look at the things you want to look at, at the speed you wish to look at them! Although I think Matt uses this point to hurry up a shopping trip!
7) It does make your bum sore and your back stiff! Shouldn't really moan though, as I'm sure it is worse for the person pushing!
However, in general, my wheelchair has been a god send. The malls in Dubai are so big that if I was walking I would probably only last half an hour, and that's no kind of shopping! My walking is getting much better now. I can stand up straight and tall (well, unless I have been sitting for a few hours, and then it takes me a few minutes to stretch out!), I can walk at a moderate speed and I don't get too tired. Over the next few days I am going to introduce some gentle exercises. I am not 'allowed' to exercise properly until 6 weeks post the abdominal surgery but I'm thinking some gentle pilates and light arm weights may come in useful. Especially with my rugby- playing –man- sized appetite!
Talking of food, I just had a salad of 'superfoods' carrot, beetroot and pomegranate for dinner. Does that balance out my two course lunch, 1/4 pack of Pringles and bar of hazelnut chocolate?! I know I have to look after myself better. I need only healthy food to support my weakened- by- chemo body! I will get good but I'm thinking the New Year is a good starting point! Maybe my body is craving 3000 calories and lots of salt and sugar! It could be!!!
On a positive note, I have done 3 poos today!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Trinket shopping
Day 37- Saturday
Last day of anti-nausea meds today. Now the psychological game really begins!
Speak to best friend 'C' and her husband. Matt can't wait to show off with his rendition of 'Imagine' on the i-pad and to show 'A' his Decembeard. I haven’t mentioned this but Chris Evans is promoting Decembeard (i.e. grow a beard in December!) to raise money for Beating Bowel Cancer. Matt has managed to rope in his work colleagues and his brother! Although at this stage the beard is very patchy!
We head off for 'couples' afternoon! We decide to go to JBR- a nice parade of shops and restaurants on a strip of beach. Sorry to make all of you that are in cold England jealous! (Not really sorry!) Have a pizza for lunch and I eat my first mushroom! Now I know a mushroom saved my life but I have been so scared to eat one again in case I got the pain that I have been avoiding them. Well didn’t get pain but I'm definitely gassy! But that could also be the 3 course meal I had for dinner! PIG!
We look at the stalls for 'trinkets'. These are my new obsession- cheap silver and gold bracelets with nazar symbols! I'm crazy for anything that may be lucky! Also buy an organic candle block that you burn to make the house smell nice, lasts 10 hours apparently- always a sucker for good deals. Once when we were considering doing a martial arts course back in the UK, I was so excited when the lady said "you are lucky, we are offering a March discount on membership today". Only for Matt to tell me that they say that whatever the month to every person! Disappointing!
Tonight's film is an golden oldie 'My Best Friend's Wedding' and inspires today's song choice………….(actually doesn't 'inspire' just stolen straight from!)………….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Jjedn__Wxk
Mum has given up on her blog. Currently she has 0 followers and I have tried to explain your blog has to be online and not on a note pad to be a success!!!
Last day of anti-nausea meds today. Now the psychological game really begins!
Speak to best friend 'C' and her husband. Matt can't wait to show off with his rendition of 'Imagine' on the i-pad and to show 'A' his Decembeard. I haven’t mentioned this but Chris Evans is promoting Decembeard (i.e. grow a beard in December!) to raise money for Beating Bowel Cancer. Matt has managed to rope in his work colleagues and his brother! Although at this stage the beard is very patchy!
We head off for 'couples' afternoon! We decide to go to JBR- a nice parade of shops and restaurants on a strip of beach. Sorry to make all of you that are in cold England jealous! (Not really sorry!) Have a pizza for lunch and I eat my first mushroom! Now I know a mushroom saved my life but I have been so scared to eat one again in case I got the pain that I have been avoiding them. Well didn’t get pain but I'm definitely gassy! But that could also be the 3 course meal I had for dinner! PIG!
We look at the stalls for 'trinkets'. These are my new obsession- cheap silver and gold bracelets with nazar symbols! I'm crazy for anything that may be lucky! Also buy an organic candle block that you burn to make the house smell nice, lasts 10 hours apparently- always a sucker for good deals. Once when we were considering doing a martial arts course back in the UK, I was so excited when the lady said "you are lucky, we are offering a March discount on membership today". Only for Matt to tell me that they say that whatever the month to every person! Disappointing!
Tonight's film is an golden oldie 'My Best Friend's Wedding' and inspires today's song choice………….(actually doesn't 'inspire' just stolen straight from!)………….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Jjedn__Wxk
Mum has given up on her blog. Currently she has 0 followers and I have tried to explain your blog has to be online and not on a note pad to be a success!!!
Friday, December 9, 2011
And she is back!
Day 36- Friday
And she is back in the game- just, but definitely stepping up! Yay I wake and feel 'OK', what a vast improvement. In fact, we decide to leave the house , quickly, in case the plan is changed. I only have one slight dip in energy after my bath but with mum looking like she is going to an Oscar awards ceremony and me in my 'baggy' (!) skinny jeans we head to the Mall.
We have lunch in the now famous restaurant overlooking the ski slope, mainly so mum can have a drink and then we head to Carrefour. Now I can never get Matt into Carrefour at the weekend so you know he is being extra kind at the moment. Things get tense when we lose mum so we abort as quickly as possible.
We bump into Matt's work colleagues "H' and 'S". They recommend a Christmas fayre in a different shopping centre. So we head home first to watch a Christmas film and have a snooze. Although I snooze on the way home, so by the time we reach home I am wide awake and Matt has a snooze instead! We watch 'Polar Express'- a little bit scary and then the classic 'Miracle on 34th Street'. Matt's school is on 34th Street and I always mention this film to remember the address! We then head to the fayre. We buy a few pressies and it's nice to just be out of the house.
A song to get us all in the mood…………..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHEtPXcuBVE
I cannot stop eating at the moment! They told me you put on weight with chemo and it's no wonder. Every time I have nausea it helps if I have a little something to eat. The problem is I have been feeling nauseous pretty much 24/7! It ranges from craving raw carrot and cauliflower with hummus (the healthy option) to Pringles and the horrible quality street left in the bottom of the tin! Tonight I had left over chicken pie for a starter and then Indian take away for main!
Scar is looking good but tummy is a bit bloated- could be the curry or the fact, miraculously, I am slightly constipated?! Have a pulling pain in my right side every time I move or breathe but trying not to worry myself with this fact at the present. I can now feel the wire coming from my portacath into the vein which is a bit disgusting.
Have another 'water' sign today. Last night our water stopped working in the house- no water from the taps and toilets wouldn't flush. This morning, still not working, Matt phoned the water company. They sent around a maintenance team and after looking in the drain they asked for the key to the water cupboard in the garage. We have a large bundle of keys that we inherited that we keep in our kitchen. We don't know what they are for so Matt headed out with a batch. He returns looking a little pale. They opened the cupboard and found the water valve had been turned off! So the valve, that has to be turned, was off and was in a cupboard that was locked with a key that was in a big bundle in our kitchen?!?!?!?!?! What can this mean? They turn the valve and all water is back on. They don't understand how it happened and nor do we. Not sure what the message is but I hope we are due a happy one.
And she is back in the game- just, but definitely stepping up! Yay I wake and feel 'OK', what a vast improvement. In fact, we decide to leave the house , quickly, in case the plan is changed. I only have one slight dip in energy after my bath but with mum looking like she is going to an Oscar awards ceremony and me in my 'baggy' (!) skinny jeans we head to the Mall.
We have lunch in the now famous restaurant overlooking the ski slope, mainly so mum can have a drink and then we head to Carrefour. Now I can never get Matt into Carrefour at the weekend so you know he is being extra kind at the moment. Things get tense when we lose mum so we abort as quickly as possible.
We bump into Matt's work colleagues "H' and 'S". They recommend a Christmas fayre in a different shopping centre. So we head home first to watch a Christmas film and have a snooze. Although I snooze on the way home, so by the time we reach home I am wide awake and Matt has a snooze instead! We watch 'Polar Express'- a little bit scary and then the classic 'Miracle on 34th Street'. Matt's school is on 34th Street and I always mention this film to remember the address! We then head to the fayre. We buy a few pressies and it's nice to just be out of the house.
A song to get us all in the mood…………..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHEtPXcuBVE
I cannot stop eating at the moment! They told me you put on weight with chemo and it's no wonder. Every time I have nausea it helps if I have a little something to eat. The problem is I have been feeling nauseous pretty much 24/7! It ranges from craving raw carrot and cauliflower with hummus (the healthy option) to Pringles and the horrible quality street left in the bottom of the tin! Tonight I had left over chicken pie for a starter and then Indian take away for main!
Scar is looking good but tummy is a bit bloated- could be the curry or the fact, miraculously, I am slightly constipated?! Have a pulling pain in my right side every time I move or breathe but trying not to worry myself with this fact at the present. I can now feel the wire coming from my portacath into the vein which is a bit disgusting.
Have another 'water' sign today. Last night our water stopped working in the house- no water from the taps and toilets wouldn't flush. This morning, still not working, Matt phoned the water company. They sent around a maintenance team and after looking in the drain they asked for the key to the water cupboard in the garage. We have a large bundle of keys that we inherited that we keep in our kitchen. We don't know what they are for so Matt headed out with a batch. He returns looking a little pale. They opened the cupboard and found the water valve had been turned off! So the valve, that has to be turned, was off and was in a cupboard that was locked with a key that was in a big bundle in our kitchen?!?!?!?!?! What can this mean? They turn the valve and all water is back on. They don't understand how it happened and nor do we. Not sure what the message is but I hope we are due a happy one.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
slightly better?
Day 35 – Thursday
The rest of my day is a combination of snoozing, trying to do a poo, eating ginger biscuits, trying to do a poo, snoozing and feeling nauseous.
Was hoping I would be feeling a bit better by today, maybe I am by 1 or 2%. I need to have a few good days otherwise I don't know how I am going to get through these next 6 months. It's hard not to feel sorry for yourself.
I also think my portacath is trying to migrate out of my body! Getting bigger and uglier as the days go on. Plus still can't lie on my right side as feels like the wire may pop out of my vein!
The anti nausea patch is coming loose, think it's probably all placebo but I spend time rubbing it in the night anyway! Too scared to take it off in case it is actually working.
To add insult to injury I managed to pull a muscle in my neck sleeping on the couch. Seriously, when will my body give me a break?!
Fingers crossed I'll be able to get out of the house this weekend.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
check list
Day 34 – Wednesday
Nausea – check
Fatigue – check
Diarrhea – check
Sore mouth – check
Roll on tomorrow…
Nausea – check
Fatigue – check
Diarrhea – check
Sore mouth – check
Roll on tomorrow…
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Short update
Day 33- Tuesday
Nausea, weakness, nausea, sneezing, fatigue, nausea and so my day continues!
'Smiley knee' very kindly lends me her driver to take me to the hospital to have pump off. One less thing to worry about. Dr and nurses encourage me to take anti-nausea tablets every 6 hours whether I have symptoms or not.
One chemo down, 11 to go!
Nausea, weakness, nausea, sneezing, fatigue, nausea and so my day continues!
'Smiley knee' very kindly lends me her driver to take me to the hospital to have pump off. One less thing to worry about. Dr and nurses encourage me to take anti-nausea tablets every 6 hours whether I have symptoms or not.
One chemo down, 11 to go!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Sickness begins
Day 32- Monday
Bad bad night. Woke about 3 times an hour with nausea. Some of which was probably in my head so managed to talk myself round and go back to sleep. Was really hot but every time I took the covers off I then worried about my hands being too cold!
Woke at 6.30 feeling really sick. Have nausea tablets to take when needed but couldn't face drinking the water to go with them. Try deep breathing, pressure points on wrists, lying down. All no good end up being sick. Feel slightly better after though so take the tablet and head back to bed for 3 hours. Wake to take my other nausea meds. They needed to be taken with breakfast and I don't feel hungry. Have a few raspberries and blackberries but they taste disgusting- just like eating metal! Anyway nausea now seems to be under control.
Spoke to Tom. He has woken with sore calves. This is what happens when you don't train for an event, don't stretch after the event and run in astroturf trainers! We go through the colonoscopy procedure and Tom seems calmer than Holly!
Have a bath and dress in comfy PJs, my chemo jumper from mum, gloves and my chemo slipper socks from 'R'. Decide to watch a film called 'A little bit of heaven' with Kate Hudson. Now I was sure I had seen this before and I thought it was a comedy about a lady coming back from the dead. But NO! Turns out she is a young lady diagnosed with bloody COLON CANCER (!) who goes on to die. Not the best film for us! So now we decide on 'sex in the city' box set courtesy of yummy mummy 'K'. This should be better!
My sense of smell is all over the place. Mum ironing smells like burning, jacket potato cooking smells like bleach and I smell like chemicals. A bit like when you eat garlic and it comes out of your pores, chemo is coming out of me! Not attractive and not helping the nausea.
Mr Tetley comes round to do pad boxing with Matt. Matt feels like he has a lot of pent up aggression against the cancer so hopefully this helps him release some of it. They box in the garden and Malika spends the whole time barking and knocking on the door!
Feel so tired but the kind of tired where you can't sleep. The other weird side effect is I keep sneezing! Thank god my tummy is healed now because this would have killed a few days back! In fact, the scar is looking really good today. I have started using bio-oil and it's really helping. Maybe I still have bikini potential!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
So chemo begins...
Day 31- Sunday
"And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life,
It's like I just stepped outside,
When everything was going right"- Michael Buble
So the no crying rule didn’t last very long today. Cried reading a message from my brother in law. Didn't cry because I was sad though, like last night, but because it was such a lovely message. I am very lucky with Matt's family. They have welcomed me in from day 1 and I think of Simon as a big brother (well ,he is 1 month older than me!) and I would trust him with my life. He is also very good with my brother and sister and it's nice we can be one family together.
So here we go!
Writing live from the oncology suite at American hospital!.... Arrive at the hospital and it feels like I'm arriving for an exam. Both mum and I are nervous. Instantly feel at ease when I see nurse 'N' and Dr 'K'. They are positively reassuring. We discuss prognosis-the cancer has been removed by surgery and the chemo should kill off any floating cells. There is then about a 30% chance of reoccurrence. So generally prognosis is good. Dr 'K' says he is following the blog and he agrees that Dr Salti has to play himself as there is a certain something about him that no one else could capture.
We look at side effects again and Dr 'K' points out that the feeling of nausea is a learned response. This means if I give into nausea on the first cycle then my body will be expecting nausea every time. Need to keep on top of it and take medication at the first sign of nausea. I am warned that I should expect any side effects to start this evening.
Nurse 'N' is really gentle at removing the steri-strips and inserting the chemo needle. She warns me it may hurt but it doesn't at all. Maybe the area is still a little numb after the surgery. I'm happy though! Blood is taken from the portacath and fluid is flushed. This feels weird can feel the fluid moving across my chest!
So I am given 30 minutes of pre-meds- saline, anti-histamines, anti-emetic etc. And then the chemo starts. Nurse 'N' gowns up with apron and thick gloves so the chemo doesn't get on her! Slightly alarming that this toxin is about to be pumped into my veins! Two hours of folinic acid and oxaliplatin to start. I don't feel anything and my only thought is please don't let me have an allergic reaction and subsequent cardiac arrest with this medicine! Dramatic as always! But nothing happens!
There is a good atmosphere in this suite. I feel positive, confident and happy. Bump into Australian 'C' with her husband. Well, I say 'bump', me and her husband are in cubicles next to each other both having our first session. He has only had 4 hours sleep as went out drinking after the rugby yesterday! He looks quite rough and I don't think that's the chemo!
Dr Salti comes to visit! He is pleased with both scars. He hasn't read the blog for the last week as he is waiting for it to build up so he can read it one block. I tell him about the fundraising and he says he would like to get involved. He has already done his bit though- he has definitely saved more lives than my donation can ever hope to do! He seems particularly keen on a cap and he laughs at my slogan! Very nice of him to come and say "hi" and again just makes me feel like everyone really cares about me and I am not just another number on a patient list.
After 6 hours finally allowed home with my bag of chemo! Now the bag is very unattractive so thinking of buying a little Gucci number from Karama! Just have a little bit of tingling in the fingers. Feels like when you come in from the cold and your fingers feel a bit 'burny' whilst they are warming up. Only lasts an hour though.
My cousin 'M' comes to visit. I can confess now, as he has told his wife, that he broke 3 ribs at the rugby on the first day so ended up in an ambulance and no more rugby for the rest of the session! I am surrounded by people moaning about their ailments! 'M' and his ribs, Matt and his Achilles and mum thinking she was having a heart attack last night! PEOPLE, I AM THE ONE WITH CANCER! Although technically don't have much cancer but still it should be all about me surely!!!
Get home to a nice surprise of an orchid and a pair of sandals from 'Smiley knee' and 'A'. Such thoughtful people and 'Smiley knee' is even letting me use her driver to go to the hospital on Tuesday. I promise to love you FOREVER!
Speak to my dad, brother and sister. Tom has done his 5km. It went really well and he came 30th out of 500 so not a bad result for someone who has done no training! Well done Tom! My two aunties and cousins have also been collecting in Kingston so all in all lots of money raised for Beating Bowel Cancer today.
Hit my siblings with the news that their Christmas present is a colonoscopy at the American Hospital on 28th Dec! In fact this is so expensive it is their Christmas presents for the next 5 years! Run through the story of laxatives, wee like poo and a camera going 1m up your bottom! They are both thrilled!
Getting weaker and weaker as the evening goes on! Really weird- no pain, sickness etc just a feeling of weak shakey limbs and tiredness. May have to succumb and go to bed soon! Should be fun trying to sleep with a wire coming out of my chest attached to the bag. I will say goodnight and hope I am more energized tomorrow.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Sad day
Day 30- Saturday
Last chemo free day. Went to Nero's for breakfast and then food shopping! Last meal tonight is a chicken curry-OBVIOUSLY! Stocked up on blackberries, carrots and Ferrero Roches- all the good things your body needs!
The fundraising is going well. Have over 1300 pounds on my just giving account and Tom has over 300 on his race sponsorship page. Thank you to everyone who has donated- very generous.
Mum heads round to the pool for her afternoon off. Also gives Matt and I some 'alone' time. To cut a long story short Matt falls asleep for an hour or so, so I'm left bored with nothing to do! Who says romance is dead! When mum gets in we dye my hair- last time for 6 months! Last ditch attempt to get rid of the grey!
Been trying to think of a list of positive thoughts so I can read them when I am having bad days.
· Chemo is my friend!
· Every day is a step closer to the end
· Every bad side effect of chemo is the cancer leaving my body
· I will not be beaten
· I am surrounded by my friends and family who are supporting me and pushing me on
· What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
· "talk of better days that are yet to come"-Oasis
· "I have just slipped down the snake and now I have to look forward to the big ladder" – Cousin 'S'
Speak to two of my cousins and their children. Children and their songs and dances are always a good distraction! I love that through skype, even though living thousands of miles away, I can see the kids grow up. Definitely makes living abroad easier. Also speak to best friend 'S'. She is having a few people round to her flat for Christmas drinks- mulled wine and cider. I would do anything to be there right now, pretending that none of this is happening.
We watch 'My sister's keeper' and have a good cry. Not as much as I would have liked as was hurting the portacath site! Feeling stressed, tired and emotional. Sad that this is happening to me. Worried about what tomorrow will bring. Worried that my body hasn't healed from the first two ops and now I am going to try and kill it from the inside. Worried about getting a taxi home if I'm being sick. Worried that I am going to forget what it feels like to be normal. Mostly worried that my life is not going to be under my control for the next 6 months. But in the words of Matt's favourite band…………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QyVil0dwhk&feature=related
Friday, December 2, 2011
Rugby 7s
Day 29-Friday
Happy National Day to all my UAE friends! Dubai is 40 today!
Well neither of us were ill, although mum continued to feel bad for most of the night! Had a weird dream that a faceless patient asked me to sit with her baby while she ordered our coffee. I lent over to touch the baby and realized it wasn't there. Woke up stroking mum's leg! Mum was just lying there and I said "sorry I thought you were a baby" and she replied "thank god for that I was worried you thought I was Matt!" So funny we laughed so hard I hurt both of my scars!
The boys got home just before 2am and proceeded to bash around in the kitchen! Matt confesses that he looked up my chemo regime on the internet when he got in drunk! Not the best thing and he only manages to find negative comments like "FOLFOX was so bad I would have rather died". Great help!
Off to the rugby today so obviously today's song has to be….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVsYJjaAvFI&feature=related
Had such a good time at the rugby. Saw my cousin 'M'- he was in a vets team over from England. Nice to see some family. Managed to stay for about 7 hours. Eventually I was worried that all the drunk people may bash into me! Dubai certainly knows how to throw a party- dancers, parading camels and then sky divers landing on the pitch! Amazing!
Had a few perks of cancer today- jumped a queue for the toilet of about 20 girls (thanks to the very embarrassing 'R' and 'J'!) and then when we left jumped in front of about 50 people in the taxi queue!
Felt sad leaving, in fact had a little cry until people started looking at the girl crying in the wheelchair so pulled myself together! All just feels really real now. Next time I see my friends I would have started chemo. It is so daunting not knowing what the next 6 months may hold. I may be good, bad or terrible -I really don't know. Feel sad that we had to leave early and I was too tired to stay to see the band. After such a lovely day feel slightly deflated.
Planning on having a last sad day tomorrow. Going to watch 'My sister's keeper' and 'Marley and Me' and cry and feel sorry for myself. Then no more tears. I received an email from my brother in law's friend who has fought cancer as a teenager. She wrote " It's a draining process and there will of course be days when you're feeling tired and like you don't really want to take any more medicines, especially when they make you feel worse. But you have to keep strong and keep up that mental fight..because when your body feels tired it will be your mind that kicks in to keep you going. It's mind over matter..remember what you're doing it for - for your family and friends and yourself". Really positive advice which I plan on taking. So any bad negative thoughts will be cried out tomorrow and then I'm ready for the fight.
Happy National Day to all my UAE friends! Dubai is 40 today!
Well neither of us were ill, although mum continued to feel bad for most of the night! Had a weird dream that a faceless patient asked me to sit with her baby while she ordered our coffee. I lent over to touch the baby and realized it wasn't there. Woke up stroking mum's leg! Mum was just lying there and I said "sorry I thought you were a baby" and she replied "thank god for that I was worried you thought I was Matt!" So funny we laughed so hard I hurt both of my scars!
The boys got home just before 2am and proceeded to bash around in the kitchen! Matt confesses that he looked up my chemo regime on the internet when he got in drunk! Not the best thing and he only manages to find negative comments like "FOLFOX was so bad I would have rather died". Great help!
Off to the rugby today so obviously today's song has to be….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVsYJjaAvFI&feature=related
Had such a good time at the rugby. Saw my cousin 'M'- he was in a vets team over from England. Nice to see some family. Managed to stay for about 7 hours. Eventually I was worried that all the drunk people may bash into me! Dubai certainly knows how to throw a party- dancers, parading camels and then sky divers landing on the pitch! Amazing!
Had a few perks of cancer today- jumped a queue for the toilet of about 20 girls (thanks to the very embarrassing 'R' and 'J'!) and then when we left jumped in front of about 50 people in the taxi queue!
Felt sad leaving, in fact had a little cry until people started looking at the girl crying in the wheelchair so pulled myself together! All just feels really real now. Next time I see my friends I would have started chemo. It is so daunting not knowing what the next 6 months may hold. I may be good, bad or terrible -I really don't know. Feel sad that we had to leave early and I was too tired to stay to see the band. After such a lovely day feel slightly deflated.
Planning on having a last sad day tomorrow. Going to watch 'My sister's keeper' and 'Marley and Me' and cry and feel sorry for myself. Then no more tears. I received an email from my brother in law's friend who has fought cancer as a teenager. She wrote " It's a draining process and there will of course be days when you're feeling tired and like you don't really want to take any more medicines, especially when they make you feel worse. But you have to keep strong and keep up that mental fight..because when your body feels tired it will be your mind that kicks in to keep you going. It's mind over matter..remember what you're doing it for - for your family and friends and yourself". Really positive advice which I plan on taking. So any bad negative thoughts will be cried out tomorrow and then I'm ready for the fight.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Presents for me!
Day 28-Thursday (1st December)
Have to clean and change the dressing on scar number 2 today. I'm a little freaked out by what I may see! Ok, not too bad. Steri-strips still in place and blood is dried. There is, however, an obvious lump where the portacath is. I think Dr Salti may have been lying when he said "you will be able to feel but not see it"! Oh well it's not like I have a cleavage to show off anymore anyway so high neck lines it is!
Get my outfit sorted for the rugby tomorrow. Tricky to find tops to wear as I don't like anything rubbing on the portacath and I can't wear a bra! Today I am wearing the famous sun dress again with the strap down!
Malika loves 'BBB'! He was woken by her jumping on his bed and licking him! She is such a flirt! She loves male visitors and the taller they are the better! At our old apartment we had a neighbour who was an ex-marine. This guy was huge and Malika used to go shy every time she saw him! She would sit at his feet and offer him a paw whilst coyly looking up at him!
Through the Beating Bowel Cancer facebook page I have been introduced to a very brave lady 'R'. She has an incredibly sad story but continues to fight and stay positive. At a difficult time in her own life she writes me messages of encouragement and has sponsored Tom in his run. An old colleague of mine 'L' has helped me put 'R' in touch with a surgeon who can potentially save her life. Everyone please keep your fingers crossed for this amazing lady and her family. Today's song is for 'R'…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_RVId9OkgI
Have two visitors today- 'Smiley knee' and 'A'. Had such fun and so glad they came to visit. They make me smile and have brightened up my day! They also brought lovely flowers, delicious cup cakes and two tops for me. I'm very lucky to be spoilt this much.
Did some Christmas shopping with mum- well mum bought me and Matt presents! Just have to drop in that I was a size 6 in the skinny jeans! Also went back to the restaurant overlooking the ski slope. We had a glass of Prosecco to cheers Christmas shopping! Then met Matt and 'BBB' at Barasti for dinner and had a glass of wine! Won't be drinking much when chemo starts so a little bit of 'letting my hair down' now!
With 15 minutes to go until 'the boys' arrive I was wheeled to the taxi rank! Mum and I arrive home and notice that in his excitement to leave the house Matt has left the front door unlocked and a jar of chocolate on the side! Somehow we have not been robbed (suppose it is Dubai after all!) but miraculously Malika did not eat the food on the side! Her record is 9 snickers and 5 ripples in one go when we didn't shut the cupboard properly! She is a pooch after my own heart!
Now mum and I are both feeling sick- is it dehydration from the alcohol and lack of water today or is it the fish we have both eaten for dinner?! Hope it's not the latter as feel scar number 2 may not hold up too well. So we are off to bed to see what happens! Will let you know in the morning!
Have to clean and change the dressing on scar number 2 today. I'm a little freaked out by what I may see! Ok, not too bad. Steri-strips still in place and blood is dried. There is, however, an obvious lump where the portacath is. I think Dr Salti may have been lying when he said "you will be able to feel but not see it"! Oh well it's not like I have a cleavage to show off anymore anyway so high neck lines it is!
Get my outfit sorted for the rugby tomorrow. Tricky to find tops to wear as I don't like anything rubbing on the portacath and I can't wear a bra! Today I am wearing the famous sun dress again with the strap down!
Malika loves 'BBB'! He was woken by her jumping on his bed and licking him! She is such a flirt! She loves male visitors and the taller they are the better! At our old apartment we had a neighbour who was an ex-marine. This guy was huge and Malika used to go shy every time she saw him! She would sit at his feet and offer him a paw whilst coyly looking up at him!
Through the Beating Bowel Cancer facebook page I have been introduced to a very brave lady 'R'. She has an incredibly sad story but continues to fight and stay positive. At a difficult time in her own life she writes me messages of encouragement and has sponsored Tom in his run. An old colleague of mine 'L' has helped me put 'R' in touch with a surgeon who can potentially save her life. Everyone please keep your fingers crossed for this amazing lady and her family. Today's song is for 'R'…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_RVId9OkgI
Have two visitors today- 'Smiley knee' and 'A'. Had such fun and so glad they came to visit. They make me smile and have brightened up my day! They also brought lovely flowers, delicious cup cakes and two tops for me. I'm very lucky to be spoilt this much.
Did some Christmas shopping with mum- well mum bought me and Matt presents! Just have to drop in that I was a size 6 in the skinny jeans! Also went back to the restaurant overlooking the ski slope. We had a glass of Prosecco to cheers Christmas shopping! Then met Matt and 'BBB' at Barasti for dinner and had a glass of wine! Won't be drinking much when chemo starts so a little bit of 'letting my hair down' now!
With 15 minutes to go until 'the boys' arrive I was wheeled to the taxi rank! Mum and I arrive home and notice that in his excitement to leave the house Matt has left the front door unlocked and a jar of chocolate on the side! Somehow we have not been robbed (suppose it is Dubai after all!) but miraculously Malika did not eat the food on the side! Her record is 9 snickers and 5 ripples in one go when we didn't shut the cupboard properly! She is a pooch after my own heart!
Now mum and I are both feeling sick- is it dehydration from the alcohol and lack of water today or is it the fish we have both eaten for dinner?! Hope it's not the latter as feel scar number 2 may not hold up too well. So we are off to bed to see what happens! Will let you know in the morning!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Visitor arrives
Day 27-Wednesday
Matt was stressed last night. My brother in law was in a London hospital, actually the first place I ever worked, having a wire removed from his knee. We were waiting to hear that he was awake and everything was ok. He had a bit of a nightmare after the first op. I won't go into the embarrassing details (!) but let's just say morphine had the opposite effect on him compared to me! Matt has forgotten what the NHS is like- Doctors don't phone you to tell you the surgery is over, they don't have a bed for you if it wasn’t planned that you were staying overnight and visitors are only allowed at visiting times! We are spoilt over here.
Anyway panic over- he is fine. That's if you consider the fact they couldn't remove all the wire and they are having to drain his knee fine! Unfortunately this is what can happen when a good spinal surgeon operates on your knee! The main thing is there are good physios at that hospital and 'S' is there to cuddle him through his recovery!
Mum and I spend a few hours working on my new job. We have now given ourselves headaches trying to find the right words! Going to rope the whole family into this. My brother in law better watch out as I have a press release to write and considering this is his job and he has a week off work after the surgery, he may be getting a call! One thing is for sure, I will be an expert on D+ size lingerie by the end of this! Shame I no longer fit into that category myself!
Matt's friend 'BBB' is coming to stay for the weekend for the Dubai rugby 7s. He is working in Saudi so desperate for a drink! Matt is really excited and I think it will give him some much needed distraction. There are a few things planned including a boy's night out on Thursday. Mum and I have been invited to dinner with them at Barasti at 6.30 (!) and then we have to leave! Matt loves Barasti- laid back venue on the beach where you can wear shorts and get Magners! I think they are planning Wild Wadi, a water park, and ski Dubai tomorrow! Just as well I can't go to Wild Wadi as I seem to injure myself every time! There is a new ride that is like a plug hole and I managed to hit my nose on my knee the first time and got whiplash the second time! Dangerous!
Wound has re-opened today. I have tried to patch it up with some steri-strips but a little flow of yellow continues! Just as well it's not poo though! Yep, that's right, poo coming out of your wound! Nurse 'C' told us that sometimes after the surgery I had they leave part of the wound open so 'free floating' poo can pass out! So glad they didn’t do that with me! Talking of poo I seem to be a little constipated today- not ideal. Have managed just 3 'rabbit' poos! Sorry for this detail but in my poo obsessed state this is a concern! Which brings me on to today's song………………………..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-OIgXyvzUU
Portacath site still sore and very itchy! Hope this is a sign of healing. Can move my right arm out to the side a little but not across my body. Therefore mum had to wash my left armpit for me today in the bath!
Film tonight was 'Trusted' with Clive Owen. Really good film, disturbing but good. Amazing acting from the teenage girl. Definitely one to watch.
Today's dietary fact- new research shows a diet high in fibre from cereals and wholegrain can reduce your chances of developing bowel cancer by up to 20%. So everyone should be having 3 servings of this type of fibre a day- lots of brown bread, rice and whole grain cereals. And yes, Tom cheerios count! Need to get going with this as today I have had a slice of white bread and white pasta! Oh well, everything starts from Sunday!
Scars-2, chipped nails-7, exercise- short walk, roasted corn kernels- handfuls!
Matt was stressed last night. My brother in law was in a London hospital, actually the first place I ever worked, having a wire removed from his knee. We were waiting to hear that he was awake and everything was ok. He had a bit of a nightmare after the first op. I won't go into the embarrassing details (!) but let's just say morphine had the opposite effect on him compared to me! Matt has forgotten what the NHS is like- Doctors don't phone you to tell you the surgery is over, they don't have a bed for you if it wasn’t planned that you were staying overnight and visitors are only allowed at visiting times! We are spoilt over here.
Anyway panic over- he is fine. That's if you consider the fact they couldn't remove all the wire and they are having to drain his knee fine! Unfortunately this is what can happen when a good spinal surgeon operates on your knee! The main thing is there are good physios at that hospital and 'S' is there to cuddle him through his recovery!
Mum and I spend a few hours working on my new job. We have now given ourselves headaches trying to find the right words! Going to rope the whole family into this. My brother in law better watch out as I have a press release to write and considering this is his job and he has a week off work after the surgery, he may be getting a call! One thing is for sure, I will be an expert on D+ size lingerie by the end of this! Shame I no longer fit into that category myself!
Matt's friend 'BBB' is coming to stay for the weekend for the Dubai rugby 7s. He is working in Saudi so desperate for a drink! Matt is really excited and I think it will give him some much needed distraction. There are a few things planned including a boy's night out on Thursday. Mum and I have been invited to dinner with them at Barasti at 6.30 (!) and then we have to leave! Matt loves Barasti- laid back venue on the beach where you can wear shorts and get Magners! I think they are planning Wild Wadi, a water park, and ski Dubai tomorrow! Just as well I can't go to Wild Wadi as I seem to injure myself every time! There is a new ride that is like a plug hole and I managed to hit my nose on my knee the first time and got whiplash the second time! Dangerous!
Wound has re-opened today. I have tried to patch it up with some steri-strips but a little flow of yellow continues! Just as well it's not poo though! Yep, that's right, poo coming out of your wound! Nurse 'C' told us that sometimes after the surgery I had they leave part of the wound open so 'free floating' poo can pass out! So glad they didn’t do that with me! Talking of poo I seem to be a little constipated today- not ideal. Have managed just 3 'rabbit' poos! Sorry for this detail but in my poo obsessed state this is a concern! Which brings me on to today's song………………………..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-OIgXyvzUU
Portacath site still sore and very itchy! Hope this is a sign of healing. Can move my right arm out to the side a little but not across my body. Therefore mum had to wash my left armpit for me today in the bath!
Film tonight was 'Trusted' with Clive Owen. Really good film, disturbing but good. Amazing acting from the teenage girl. Definitely one to watch.
Today's dietary fact- new research shows a diet high in fibre from cereals and wholegrain can reduce your chances of developing bowel cancer by up to 20%. So everyone should be having 3 servings of this type of fibre a day- lots of brown bread, rice and whole grain cereals. And yes, Tom cheerios count! Need to get going with this as today I have had a slice of white bread and white pasta! Oh well, everything starts from Sunday!
Scars-2, chipped nails-7, exercise- short walk, roasted corn kernels- handfuls!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Goodbye red meat
Day 26- Tuesday
Have had a terrible night's sleep. Portacath site really aching if I move my arm, back stiff from lying flat all night and major wind! Must be the medications as haven’t had wind since I was last in hospital. So today I can barely use my right arm- this will be a challenge as I am terrible with my left. Well I at least I have paracetamol to help me out!!!
On a positive the tummy scar is looking really dry today. Hopefully it has been frightened into healing by Dr Salti's threat of cutting it open if it keeps weeping! Come on wound, you can do it!
I have taken a step back in terms of independence. Without my right arm, mum had to wash my hair for me and help me put deodorant on! I did however manage to pluck my eyebrows with my left hand- amazing, can't sign my name with my left hand but can control tweezers! Having to wear a loose summer dress today with the right strap down. Just as well I live in a hot country!
Speak to my uncle 'D'. He has kindly offered to donate 1500 pounds from his company, London Concrete, to Beating Bowel Cancer, instead of sending out Christmas cards to clients. This is a great donation and a great way to save trees also!
Have my first business meeting with yummy mummy 'K'. Takes a while to find a pen that works for me to take! Well I have to be as professional as possible as I certainly don't look professional. One strap of my dress down, stooped posture, bandage on my chest, no make-up and wild hair (opted against 80's bouffant today, went for the natural dry look instead)!
We discuss what I need to do and timelines. Very excited about the challenge but concerned I may be rubbish and no help at all! I did do a marketing module as part of my human biology degree (!) so somewhere I have the answers! However that was back in 1999 before facebook and twitter! Anyway I will give it my best shot and see how we go. As long as the fatigue doesn’t hit me too hard, I have plenty of time to try and produce something. I also managed to walk to and from my meeting, with supervision (!) so that's my exercise for the day done!
So in celebration of my new job…………………….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8H5wW7UpnO4&feature=related
Watched 'The Help' this evening. Great film and I highly recommend it. Think I'm going to be watching lots of films in the next 6 months so I will keep you posted!
Read today that there is a real link between colon cancer and red meat. Worked out that I was probably eating approximately 40 ounces of red meat a week- according to recent research this would have increased my chances of developing colon cancer by about 30%. So from now on red meat is not allowed, well only in small amounts and definitely non-processed. So my plan is to stop the bacon I eat every morning (!) and to eat mainly chicken, turkey and fish. Steak can be a treat once a month! So Matt is going to have to learn new dishes- no more chilli or meatballs on his nights of cooking!
So today's lesson……. Everyone ensure they are not eating more than 500g of red meat a week. Look after your colons, look after your lives.
Have had a terrible night's sleep. Portacath site really aching if I move my arm, back stiff from lying flat all night and major wind! Must be the medications as haven’t had wind since I was last in hospital. So today I can barely use my right arm- this will be a challenge as I am terrible with my left. Well I at least I have paracetamol to help me out!!!
On a positive the tummy scar is looking really dry today. Hopefully it has been frightened into healing by Dr Salti's threat of cutting it open if it keeps weeping! Come on wound, you can do it!
I have taken a step back in terms of independence. Without my right arm, mum had to wash my hair for me and help me put deodorant on! I did however manage to pluck my eyebrows with my left hand- amazing, can't sign my name with my left hand but can control tweezers! Having to wear a loose summer dress today with the right strap down. Just as well I live in a hot country!
Speak to my uncle 'D'. He has kindly offered to donate 1500 pounds from his company, London Concrete, to Beating Bowel Cancer, instead of sending out Christmas cards to clients. This is a great donation and a great way to save trees also!
Have my first business meeting with yummy mummy 'K'. Takes a while to find a pen that works for me to take! Well I have to be as professional as possible as I certainly don't look professional. One strap of my dress down, stooped posture, bandage on my chest, no make-up and wild hair (opted against 80's bouffant today, went for the natural dry look instead)!
We discuss what I need to do and timelines. Very excited about the challenge but concerned I may be rubbish and no help at all! I did do a marketing module as part of my human biology degree (!) so somewhere I have the answers! However that was back in 1999 before facebook and twitter! Anyway I will give it my best shot and see how we go. As long as the fatigue doesn’t hit me too hard, I have plenty of time to try and produce something. I also managed to walk to and from my meeting, with supervision (!) so that's my exercise for the day done!
So in celebration of my new job…………………….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8H5wW7UpnO4&feature=related
Watched 'The Help' this evening. Great film and I highly recommend it. Think I'm going to be watching lots of films in the next 6 months so I will keep you posted!
Read today that there is a real link between colon cancer and red meat. Worked out that I was probably eating approximately 40 ounces of red meat a week- according to recent research this would have increased my chances of developing colon cancer by about 30%. So from now on red meat is not allowed, well only in small amounts and definitely non-processed. So my plan is to stop the bacon I eat every morning (!) and to eat mainly chicken, turkey and fish. Steak can be a treat once a month! So Matt is going to have to learn new dishes- no more chilli or meatballs on his nights of cooking!
So today's lesson……. Everyone ensure they are not eating more than 500g of red meat a week. Look after your colons, look after your lives.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Portacath
Day 25- Monday
So I'm up at 5.20 eating toast and drinking green tea. I am a massive fan of green tea. However it appears the antioxidant effect did not work on me! Malika is sitting by the bed drawling for the toast but he eyes are shutting as it's so early! Manage to go back to sleep for a few hours.
Get some lovely texts of best wishes this morning. Keeps me positive.
Matt is allowed home from school to take me to the hospital. Very considerate of Matt's Principal. He comes home and asks if I want a cup of tea-"no darling I'm nil by mouth!"
So I arrive at American hospital and get admitted to the maternity ward! Slightly a cruel twist of fate! This is the ward I would love to be on but I'm here to have surgery to make my chemo administration easier- the same chemo that may lead to me being infertile! This is not the right ward for me! Plus side, there is a comfortable rocking chair in this room!
We settle down to watch 'X Factor'. Matt asks me if I would like a water!?!?!?! And then proceeds to eat Pringles in front of me. I am starving and that smell is not helping!
The anaesthetist comes to meet me. An English chap from Oxford. I tell him about my terrible experience last time and he agrees to avoid a general anaesthetic and other drugs that may make me ill. He admits that the cocktail of drugs I had before- the anaesthetic, the morphine and anti-sickness medication can give you a 'locked in' sensation. Exactly what I had- not in my head but a real medical side effect! He also comments on my crap veins! My 6th cannula in 25 days is inserted!
We see the lovely nurse 'C' in surgery and she says she will try to get me up on the surgical ward after the procedure.
So down I go. Get positioned with my arms tied to my side and my head has to stay rotated to the left. My face is covered by a sheet with an oxygen mask on. Sedation in. Feel sleepy but I'm not asleep like I was for the colonoscopy. I can feel pressure and pulling under my right collar bone. At one stage it starts to hurt so I call out. The next minute I feel the cold medicine coming into my cannula and the pain stops. Feels like it lasts 10 minutes but by the time they take the sheet off my head 30 minutes has passed. See my other surgical nurse 'C' in recovery. Love seeing familiar faces! Dr Salti checks my wound. He mentions cutting the final part to release the fluid next week in clinic- that does not sound like something I want to happen!
Dr Salti lets mum and Matt know I am ok. He shakes mum's hand 3 times. Nurse 'C' tells us he has read my blog and therefore he knows mum fancies him! Hilarious none of us had thought of this!
Get taken to a surgical room. Nurse 'C' is looking after me. I apparently tell her about my blog and the Australian lady we met in CT last week. I can't remember any of this and after a few hours sleep I repeat the stories again! So now I have to stay a few more hours as I am only now being 'normal'!
It's now 5 hours post procedure and it is just starting to feel a little tender. Hurts if I lift my arm above my head or reach across my body. Oh well to be expected! Covered with a little bandage so can't see but the anaesthetist thinks I had dissolvable internal stitches and steri-strips. Please don't say I had normal stitches that will need to be taken out! We all know what will happen then!
So glad this is all over. Feel like a weight has been lifted. May feel depressed in a day or two when the bandage comes off and I see the scar and potentially the lump of the portacath. But for now I feel cheery.
Back home and good to be eating dinner! Also work my way through some quality street! Weighed myself today and have lost a further 0.4kg so still allowed chocolate at this stage!
Early night tonight-looking forward to a good night's sleep. Only problem is that I have to lie flat again for a few nights!
Cast allocation- thinking I may have Ginnifer Goodwin to play me. Any other suggestions?
So I'm up at 5.20 eating toast and drinking green tea. I am a massive fan of green tea. However it appears the antioxidant effect did not work on me! Malika is sitting by the bed drawling for the toast but he eyes are shutting as it's so early! Manage to go back to sleep for a few hours.
Get some lovely texts of best wishes this morning. Keeps me positive.
Matt is allowed home from school to take me to the hospital. Very considerate of Matt's Principal. He comes home and asks if I want a cup of tea-"no darling I'm nil by mouth!"
So I arrive at American hospital and get admitted to the maternity ward! Slightly a cruel twist of fate! This is the ward I would love to be on but I'm here to have surgery to make my chemo administration easier- the same chemo that may lead to me being infertile! This is not the right ward for me! Plus side, there is a comfortable rocking chair in this room!
We settle down to watch 'X Factor'. Matt asks me if I would like a water!?!?!?! And then proceeds to eat Pringles in front of me. I am starving and that smell is not helping!
The anaesthetist comes to meet me. An English chap from Oxford. I tell him about my terrible experience last time and he agrees to avoid a general anaesthetic and other drugs that may make me ill. He admits that the cocktail of drugs I had before- the anaesthetic, the morphine and anti-sickness medication can give you a 'locked in' sensation. Exactly what I had- not in my head but a real medical side effect! He also comments on my crap veins! My 6th cannula in 25 days is inserted!
We see the lovely nurse 'C' in surgery and she says she will try to get me up on the surgical ward after the procedure.
So down I go. Get positioned with my arms tied to my side and my head has to stay rotated to the left. My face is covered by a sheet with an oxygen mask on. Sedation in. Feel sleepy but I'm not asleep like I was for the colonoscopy. I can feel pressure and pulling under my right collar bone. At one stage it starts to hurt so I call out. The next minute I feel the cold medicine coming into my cannula and the pain stops. Feels like it lasts 10 minutes but by the time they take the sheet off my head 30 minutes has passed. See my other surgical nurse 'C' in recovery. Love seeing familiar faces! Dr Salti checks my wound. He mentions cutting the final part to release the fluid next week in clinic- that does not sound like something I want to happen!
Dr Salti lets mum and Matt know I am ok. He shakes mum's hand 3 times. Nurse 'C' tells us he has read my blog and therefore he knows mum fancies him! Hilarious none of us had thought of this!
Get taken to a surgical room. Nurse 'C' is looking after me. I apparently tell her about my blog and the Australian lady we met in CT last week. I can't remember any of this and after a few hours sleep I repeat the stories again! So now I have to stay a few more hours as I am only now being 'normal'!
It's now 5 hours post procedure and it is just starting to feel a little tender. Hurts if I lift my arm above my head or reach across my body. Oh well to be expected! Covered with a little bandage so can't see but the anaesthetist thinks I had dissolvable internal stitches and steri-strips. Please don't say I had normal stitches that will need to be taken out! We all know what will happen then!
So glad this is all over. Feel like a weight has been lifted. May feel depressed in a day or two when the bandage comes off and I see the scar and potentially the lump of the portacath. But for now I feel cheery.
Back home and good to be eating dinner! Also work my way through some quality street! Weighed myself today and have lost a further 0.4kg so still allowed chocolate at this stage!
Early night tonight-looking forward to a good night's sleep. Only problem is that I have to lie flat again for a few nights!
Cast allocation- thinking I may have Ginnifer Goodwin to play me. Any other suggestions?
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Meeting baby 'A'
Day 24-Sunday
Up early today to meet a special little boy 'A'. I have known him in his mummy's tummy (Yummy Mummy 'J') since he was about 20 weeks but have yet to meet him now he is nearly 5 months old. He doesn’t disappoint- totally adorable with the biggest brown eyes. Yummy mummy 'J' makes us a lovely lunch, pudding and all, and we order up cappuccino and hot chocolate from a coffee shop in her building! Only in Dubai! Mum loves the apartment as you can see the Burj Khalifa and the fountains from the lounge balcony. Get some thoughtful presents and baby 'A' seems to like the noisy toy I got him!
Did some more Christmas shopping today- well mum did! I treated myself to a pair of shorts for the rugby 7s next weekend. They have a lovely belt with a bow- I am obsessed by bows! In fact most of my shoes have bows on them! Haven’t been able to wear shorts for years with my fat legs so now taking full advantage of the weight loss!
Feeling very anxious about tomorrow. Trying to put it out of my mind but keeps creeping back in and making me have a nervous feeling in my tummy. When I need to relax I listen to……….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyhc4fscbsw&feature=related
Surgery isn't happening until 1pm but I have to be 'nil by mouth' from 6am. Thinking I will get up at 5am, have breakfast, and then go back to bed, otherwise I will be starving by about 10!
Go for a walk around the block. Have to admit I haven’t done this the last two nights even though I said I would! Sorry 'S'! I manage fine, all be it slow! Go past the crazy house with all the birds and loud music- poor neighbours!
Cast allocation- my sister's boyfriend 'P' to be played by Jesse Metcalfe. Needs to work on his Brazilian accent though!
Chocolate- half a double choc chip cookie and 2 pecan and caramel bites, current scars- 1, spots-about 6, poos-3, anxiety levels- sky high!
Up early today to meet a special little boy 'A'. I have known him in his mummy's tummy (Yummy Mummy 'J') since he was about 20 weeks but have yet to meet him now he is nearly 5 months old. He doesn’t disappoint- totally adorable with the biggest brown eyes. Yummy mummy 'J' makes us a lovely lunch, pudding and all, and we order up cappuccino and hot chocolate from a coffee shop in her building! Only in Dubai! Mum loves the apartment as you can see the Burj Khalifa and the fountains from the lounge balcony. Get some thoughtful presents and baby 'A' seems to like the noisy toy I got him!
Did some more Christmas shopping today- well mum did! I treated myself to a pair of shorts for the rugby 7s next weekend. They have a lovely belt with a bow- I am obsessed by bows! In fact most of my shoes have bows on them! Haven’t been able to wear shorts for years with my fat legs so now taking full advantage of the weight loss!
Feeling very anxious about tomorrow. Trying to put it out of my mind but keeps creeping back in and making me have a nervous feeling in my tummy. When I need to relax I listen to……….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyhc4fscbsw&feature=related
Surgery isn't happening until 1pm but I have to be 'nil by mouth' from 6am. Thinking I will get up at 5am, have breakfast, and then go back to bed, otherwise I will be starving by about 10!
Go for a walk around the block. Have to admit I haven’t done this the last two nights even though I said I would! Sorry 'S'! I manage fine, all be it slow! Go past the crazy house with all the birds and loud music- poor neighbours!
Cast allocation- my sister's boyfriend 'P' to be played by Jesse Metcalfe. Needs to work on his Brazilian accent though!
Chocolate- half a double choc chip cookie and 2 pecan and caramel bites, current scars- 1, spots-about 6, poos-3, anxiety levels- sky high!
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