What I have learnt

Day 107- Saturday

Back to me writing again, if I can put down the chocolate for long enough!

Had a lovely dinner out at the The Grand Grill at the Habtoor Grand followed by drinks at Horizon bar. I love showing off Dubai to family and friends and it never lets you down.  Nearly didn't make dinner as came over all emotional thinking I was going to die. Came out of nowhere. We were just listening to Bruno Mars getting ready and I started thinking of all the letters I would write to loved ones if I was going to die. Had to re-do my make-up and just get a grip.

My anxiety around these scan results is sky high and I am really struggling to sleep. I know whatever they show I just have to get on with it and carrying on fighting but really just want to run away from it all. Don't want more surgery and don't want to be stage IV.

Have to wait 20 minutes for the scan as they have an emergency from ITU. They cannot apologise enough for keeping me waiting when the person is clearly in a worse state than me. Whilst we are waiting Matt and I discuss how our thoughts have changed recently. Being in this situation gives you a whole new perspective on life. You wonder why you have ever moaned about something before, why you have turned down offers to see friends just because you can't be bothered to get ready, why you have ever wasted a day. The things I have learnt, and I will share so you don't have to go through an illness to learn, is really appreciate every moment of your life and the people around you. From a quiet moment on your own to a night out with friends realize how great that moment is. Don't wait around waiting for your life to change- change it. Surround yourself with things that make you happy and people who are good for your soul. Don't moan about trivial things- life is too short.  Tell people how you feel, stick up for what you believe in and don't waste your time with people who don't care about you.  Remember that there are others who are worse off than you and give them your support. Don't let bad feelings inside make you ill. Get out your thoughts and feelings even if it is just writing them down. Don't stress, you never know what is around the corner. Relax and deal with your issues. Don't put things off, find a way to do it. Keep positive and trust your intuition. One of my favourite sayings is "life is not about the number of breaths you take, it is about the moments that take your breath away"- this I think sums up what I am trying to say.

Anyway I forgot how loud an MRI is! I was planning on having a snooze but with an orchestra of banging, knocking, whirling and alarming there was no chance. I also had to keep holding my breath for them to get a clear image of my liver. Realize I need to do something about my lung volumes and fitness as I really struggle with this. The contrast going in was fine- couldn't feel it just slightly tasted it, it is just hard lying completely still for an hour. You become acutely aware of every body part and what position it is in! Results will be within 48 hours.

Head to Dubai mall to show my family the fountains. We get a great table overlooking them so stay there for hours! As much as I take the mickey out of mum for loving them so much, I love them too. I never get bored and I find them really relaxing.

Don't get home until midnight! Need to be up early as Matt, mum and Holly are doing the VISA run and I am going to a medium………………