Date night

Day 71- Friday
The comedy was good again last night, however the third act was a bit near the mark. Here is the hilarious rap from the second act…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35BiMGuoT7I
Find that I could laugh for the first 10 minutes that I felt too tired. Just had to smile instead! Not quite the same! By the time we leave I am not feeling good. I have a headache , I feel really cold and sick. Water doesn’t help, eating doesn’t help so just go to bed. I am so cold Matt has to wrap me up in the duvet and throw and I'm wearing his socks. Check my temperature because I am shivering and its 35, a bit low. Think I just did too much yesterday and eventually I fall asleep.

Wake early this morning. Feel really tired still but start to think about Sunday and can't get back to sleep. Make myself a 4 carrot, 4 apple and ginger juice- really nice and makes two glasses. Then I start to cry. Feel really sad this morning. Not sad because I have cancer but sad because I hate feeling like this. Think it is the fact I have to start my ginger tablets today and put on my ante-nausea patch. Dreading Sunday again and don’t know where I am going to find the strength from. Still feel rubbish so can't imagine what I am going to feel like by Sunday night. I'm also starting to get bad associations when I think of my chemo day. As soon as I think about walking into the hospital I start to feel nauseous and I can smell and taste all the chemicals. Somehow I need to stop this otherwise I am going to make my symptoms worse.

When mum wakes up she has been crying this morning as well. That starts me off again. I am worried I am going to cry with the medical team on Sunday. Can't seem to discuss how I feel without crying. Need to somehow stop this and get myself ready for the fight again. I think that maybe this cycle has been so bad because I wasn't expecting to feel this low physically or mentally. Hopefully now I will have more realistic expectations for future cycles, and although they will probably still be bad I will be expecting it.

Over Christmas Matt, Tom and I discussed chemo and Matt is always saying I wish I could have them for you. We were saying how good it would be if friends and family could take one chemo session each for me. I ask if Tom would take one and he says "he would but he wouldn’t want to take that away from my friends who may wish to do it more" as there are only 9 left! Can't believe it! My own brother trying to get out of having a chemo for me in the pretend world! I'm writing this now as last night my friend 'J' said "I wish I could do a chemo for you". Shows who your real friends are. That is a good thing to come out of this experience- you realize who the 'chips down' people are. Luckily I am surrounded by hundreds of 'chips down' people.

Off on date night tonight. Poor Matt gets me for only a few hours every other week! So tonight I am a wife not a cancer victim.