Holly moves out

Day 176- Friday

Still don't feel great today. Feel a little upset about the future. So scared that I have been waiting for the end of chemo to come only to have to face surgery, or worse still, a reoccurrence of cancer. So desperate to get my life back but I'm not getting back the same life. My life won't ever be the same again. There is always going to be the worry of cancer coming back. I know I can't live like that and cancer has definitely changed the way I view life for the better but just wish I could go back to not worrying about illness or the future. Then I hear a story of someone losing their fight against bowel cancer and I feel so incredibly guilty. They would love to be in my position and to just be given a chance.

Holly is moving out today. Really sad to see her go. I haven't lived with Holly since I was 18 and she was 9! It has been really nice having her here with her distractions, funny stories and generally just making us laugh. I feel like I have got to know her better as well. It is difficult being so much older than her and Tom as I was at uni when they were teenagers and they always view me as the much older sister rather than part of their 'gang'. Glad she has moved in with the lovely 'D' though (even though she is stealing my friends) and looking forward to seeing her new apartment this week. Was meant to be driving her to the apartment but just don't feel well enough.

Having to cool off with my exercise regime a little as I have managed to hurt my hamstrings! I tell you being this unfit and untoned is hard work!