The birthday BBQ

Day 16-Saturday
Nice to wake up and not worry about going to work! Maybe I could get used to this lady of leisure thing after all! Saying that I am only day 16 and from my calculations (God my maths teachers would be proud!), if my chemo goes to plan and does not need to be postponed at any stage due to low blood count, I have about 171 days to go until it's all over! There's an end in sight if ever I saw one!

The predicted chemo diary looks like I will feel good (hopefully!)for Christmas, my birthday, Matt's Easter break and Matt's birthday! Not such good news for New years's day (oh well, means the year can only get better!)or mum's birthday! In fact not good for either of mum's birthdays! She has two like the queen! The 30th and 31st of January. This is because as a child (being one of 9!) my grandparents thought she was born on the 31st! She didn’t discover the truth until years later, and her birth certificate needed to be checked, and they realized she was actually born the day before! Poor mum! She is really getting the rough deal here! So for mum's birthdays we will spend them both sitting in an oncology department!

I feel full Independence day is nearly upon me! The only things I still need help with are putting on trousers and drying my hair! It is nice to wake up in the mornings and come downstairs on my own. Once Malika has done her wee she takes herself back up to bed (!) and I get an hour of alone time to read my messages of support. The only problem is I am limited to sitting in the really hard, cheap Ikea arm chair! We have to put up all the sofa cushions every evening and every time we leave the house otherwise Malika covers them in hair. Currently these are too heavy for me to rearrange so the uncomfortable seat it is!

These early mornings are crazy though! Waking up around 6 every day! Still I should be making the most of these long days, from what I'm hearing from other cancer sufferers the fatigue with chemo is a killer! Still will give you guys a rest from my continuous babbling- I'll be too tired to write! Intense fatigue I have experienced before. Just before I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism mum and I went on holiday to celebrate the end of my first degree. I spent the whole holiday asleep- 10-12 hours a night, 2-3 hours before lunch, 1-2 hours afternoon snooze followed by 1 hour before going out for dinner! Mum never invited me on a girly holiday again! Now my mum and little sister go on their own- always very budget with lots of alcohol, cockroaches and Rod Stewart impersonators! There is a great story from a few years back when my sister was trying to 'pull' the aging Rod Stewart lookalike by 'reeling him in on a pretend fishing rod'. She thought she was in luck when he swaggered over only to be told "move over I'm interested in your mum"!

I have always been well known for my ability to snooze! I can sleep anywhere at anytime! Friends on holidays are always jealous how much sleep I can catch up on lying on the sunbed! Matt is my perfect other half- he can snooze more than me! Same with the dog- snooze bug also! Let's just hope our kids are the same otherwise there could be a problem!

Looked up diet advice on Beating bowel cancer website. Advised a low fibre diet whilst dealing with diarrhea- that's me then! So, for the moment no brown rice, bread, pasta, rough vegetables, fruit with skin/seeds or nuts. No wonder my tummy has been bad- that has pretty much been everything in my diet for the last 2 months! Also no spicey food! So will take all their advice except I'm going to carry on eating nuts in the form of ferrero roches (OBVIOUSLY!) and there is no way I'm not having a curry for 6 months!

Just sneezed! Oh the pain! I have been avoiding that sneeze for 3 days and it just crept up on me. Now feels like my tummy has ripped open!

Matt has gone for his first 10km training jog. Sent him out with a rucksack so he can pick up a few things from the shop on his way! Two birds, one stone and all that! Think he has gone out to escape more Michael Buble! I love Buble (cheese monger that I am) and today I am in just the mood for some old school swing. The last dance at our wedding was Buble's 'Everything' and it's also my ringtone! Has lovely words.

I am someone who relates songs to occasions and I love songs with good words and meanings. Going to compile a soundtrack for my cancer journey- a song a day! So as well as reading my journey you can listen to my soundtrack! Will start that from tomorrow.

Finding it hard to look at pictures of myself from the last year. Keep thinking I had cancer growing inside me and it makes me feel horrible and sick. Had to change our screensaver from a picture of Matt & I at my cousin's wedding to one of the dog dressed as a rapper! Love this picture of Malika- always makes me laugh! In fact looking at our wedding pictures makes me cry. This is the most I have cried since diagnosis. Feels so disgusting that I had that thing growing inside me on our wedding day . Depressing and upsetting and I hope I don't always feel like this about my favourite pictures.

Went to little 'E's first birthday party today. Bought her a present from Zara kids- love that shop. I could spend hours in there! Settled on a cute, and very on-trend mac with hat and a hairband. Even managed to find children's wrapping paper with cartoon mushrooms on it! Lovely to catch up with yummy mummies k & C! Matt managed to rope a few other husbands into doing the 10km with him- that was before they knew about the mushroom outfits! Also had a job offer! Yummy mummy K is setting up her own lingerie business and she has asked me to help with social media marketing! Very exciting- don't know if I will be any good but at least I have the time available to try!

Matt came back from his run with an injury! I knew this would happen! He has hurt his neck and unfortunately I am not strong enough to massage him better. I know, I'm a terrible wife! He hasn’t stopped moaning about it all day but my sympathy levels are, unsurprisingly, a little lower these days! He is propped up watching football with a hot water bottle- that should keep him quiet for a few hours whilst mum and I watch a film!

We watch 'The Wedding date' one of my all time favourite films! "I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met "- what a great line. My cousin 'S' said doctors had told her in the past to watch funny happy films when going through stressful medical treatment so this film is perfect! Also helps with cast allocation for today. My school friend 'R' is to be played by Sarah Parish, the main character's cousin in the film. Sounds and acts just like 'R' so I think this is a perfect match.

Spoke to best friend 'C' and her husband 'A'. They have some hilarious poo advice. 1) always carry toilet paper in your bag ,2) always carry a match or lighter to burn away the smell and 3) always carry at least 2 spare pairs of pants in your bag. 'A' tells a great story of pooing his pants at work, carrying them in a bag down the high street and buying another pair that were too small! Laughed so much that my tummy is still hurting an hour later!

Also skyped my brother-in-law and his girlfriend 'S'. It is the first time I have met her and I definitely do not look my best- mascara run eyes from my earlier little cry, PJ top and weeping wound do not make a good first impression!

Just had a message from a friend from uni 'L'. Extremely emotional to report she is willing to do the Bath half marathon in March and maybe the Henley ionman race in September on behalf of Beating Bowel Cancer. This is the best kind of support I can ask for. If my friends and family can support me by saving the lives of others then everything I am going through is worth it. Thank you 'L' from the bottom of my heart.

Matt is extremely excited as the Millwall captain has retweeted my blog! Very kind of him and I have to say as a Chelsea fan my opinion of Millwall fan's is rapidly changing. We have had lots of messages of support from Millwall fan's on their forum. Still want my future children to support Chelsea though!

Contrast CT scan tomorrow. Very worried about this. Please everyone keep your fingers crossed that the cancer has not spread further than lymph nodes. Hopefully will know results in a few days.