Anxiety high

Day 193- Monday

Wake in the night and start feeling really anxious. I am worried for my colonoscopy next week and for my MRI the week after. The colonoscopy will be able to tell if the operation was successful and also why I still get abdominal pain. I am so worried that there is more cancer at the primary site. I am also now worried that my new symptoms of neural tightness are due to a spinal metastasis. I am paranoid and searching the internet for signs and symptoms. It is going to be really hard to keep my anxiety in check.

Head to the pool again early for more sunbathing and pool dipping. I feel really tired but every time I shut my eyes I start to think of cancer again. I know I need to be positive and I know thinking about things does no good until I have all my scan results, but I just can't help it. I was hoping that for these few weeks I could just relax and be normal until the surgeon decides on surgery but that is not going to be the case!

Meeting Holly after her work today for some evening shopping and dinner. Hopefully will take my mind off things. Going to try and listen to the legend- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIjkW6iyXNo