All over

Day 187- Tuesday

The last day of chemo- pump out today. 156 days of being on chemo are now over! 6 long months. Mum is worried I may get depression with the lack of routine now and the reduced medical support. Although I am anxious about 'being free' to get on with my life now, and there is the worry that there is nothing killing off cancer cells now, I think I will be ok. Today is the day I need to start trusting my own body again and not rely on drugs. I need to get back into my own routine again- work, housework, shopping, exercising, sunbathing-plenty to get on with. I will miss the nurses though. They have been such an important part of my life, as have all the staff in oncology, that I will be sad to say goodbye today. I know I can pop in and see them when I am at the hospital but it is not the same. You are in a gang up there and it makes you feel supported and safe. They are such special people who have helped me, and mum and Matt, so much. But they are only at the end of a phone if I need them and always in my memory. Think I will have to try hard not to cry. Amazing how emotional I feel. Sad, excited, anxious, apprehensive, pleased, nervous…………..

Speak to Dr K on the phone and he is with Dr Salti and it is agreed my portacath should come out soon as it is no longer working. Dr Salti is away next week so hopefully the week after I can have it out. All steps in the right direction.

When Matt gets home he makes up the egg swing chair for me. Perfect! It fits into the corner of our balcony so I can look at other people's nice gardens and can ignore the sandpit! Going to have a try tonight before bed.

Have a weird swollen tongue and sore throat today. Not sure what that is all about but hopefully it goes quickly. Just trying to keep drinking. Only needed one anti-nausea med today- so nice not to be popping pills.

Matt has come up with the perfect song for today-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8GTELtVLvk