Spoilt

Day 183-Friday

Up early working out the calories of the foods I eat. As well as doing low GI I am going to try to eat around 1200-1500 calories aswell. Writing down what I eat, I realize that I eat good things but my portions are too big. So changes are starting today. Get on the cross trainer for the first time in 7 months and manage 12 minutes! Really pleased and I really enjoyed it. Just hoping my legs aren't too weak later.

Head over to Festival city to go to Ikea to replace the frame that was broken by the dogs! End up buying the egg swing chair that I have wanted for the balcony for ever. A villa by the pool has one and I always look on jealous! Now I can swing in my egg and read my book relaxing. Wrong time of the year to buy it, I will only be able to use it about 10 at night when it is cool enough, but never mind. Buy a lovely big lantern with a candle to go on the balcony with it. Perfect- trying to turn my balcony into a nice relaxing place as we can't use the sandpit for much.

Decide next to head over to Gold and Diamond park. I still need to spend my birthday money from my dad and I have my eye on a pearl ring. I am taking full advantage of Matt agreeing to come shopping with me as I know that as soon as I am given the all clear this will stop. He hates shopping and is only coming with me as I am 'sick'. This is my first time to Gold and Diamond park and I think it is my new favourite place. I love diamonds so this place is like heaven to me!

The first shop we go into I find a ring and earrings that I love. Matt starts the bartering- I hate this bit but I know it is expected. Decide to look around the other shops but end up returning to the first shop. I love my ring! Been thoroughly spoilt today and Matt tells me that he is getting me an 'end of chemo' present. This really is going to be the best week!

Holly is coming round for dinner tonight and we get lost in Dubai Marina mall car park again picking her up! Really is the worse design. She had a house party at her new flat last night that we weren't invited to! Correction her flatmate, the lovely 'D', was going to invite us but my sister said no! Apparently Matt and I are not cool enough and too old! Charming!

Finish the evening with a lovely walk around the lake with the dogs. Lovely because we don't meet any other dogs and therefore Malika is well behaved! My legs feel fine so going to try the cross trainer again tomorrow.

Today's quote- 'It's not the years in your life that count, It's the life in your years'.

Fat pig

Day 182- Thursday

Holly's apartment is lovely. Although mum and I got lost getting out of Marina Mall car park and ended up driving around in a circle. Took us 20 minutes from leaving the front door to go past the door again in our car! Not fun late at night when you are tired!

Today started well and has progressed into a horrible day.

Work was good and had a meeting about my return to work that went well. I got invited to an emirati wedding tomorrow night. Really excited and it is brilliant to be invited. I have a few dresses that should still fit that I will try on later.

Got home and took mum on the Visa run to Oman. When we got to the border their system was down so we had to wait 45 minutes. Lovely in 43 degree heat! Then we got two flat tyres! So had to stop at the first garage to get them changed only to be told that actually all four need to be changed. Great! So basically I worked this morning to pay for new tyres! We did have a laugh at the border coming back though. The policeman looked at mum's passport and asked if it was me. I said no it is her passport pointing to mum, and he looked at her then the photo and said "Oh you look much younger in the picture!" It was only taken 3 years ago! She blames me and cancer for aging her!

Stop for Indian on the way home at the Mall near where I used to live. My favourite mall but it was packed tonight. Get home and Buddy has eaten my new flip flops I bought yesterday and smashed a picture that was going up on the lounge wall!

Find the wedding dresses I can wear in the wardrobe and I have about 6 to choose from. Then I try them on………….not one of them fits me, even the bigger ones! And they don't just not fit me, mum can't do them up by about 2 inches! I am absolutely disgusted with myself. I knew I had put on weight, being a couch potato will do that to you, but I didn't realize the situation was this bad. When I get my life back in a few weeks I am going to have nothing to wear unless I sort myself out. So as of tomorrow the diet really does START. No excuses and no cheating. Matt and I are staying in a hotel for the night in two weeks and I need to have lost enough weight so I actually have something to wear. Can't go to the wedding tomorrow, which I am upset about, but it is my own stupid fault. Refuse to buy a dress in a size bigger.

So tonight I am going to bed depressed and fat.

A naughty lunch

Day 181- Wednesday

Head out to the mall for the first time on my own in nearly 7 months! Mum isn't very well and obviously Matt can't leave the house either and I didn't fancy another day on the couch. With no one to tell me "sugar feeds cancer" I have a Cold Stone Creamery ice cream for lunch followed by a bag of sweets! I spend two hours having a slow walk around and I buy myself two day time dresses, a pair of shoes for mum, a skinny tie for Matt and a top for Holly. A selfless shopper!

Don't feel anxious anymore being on my own which is just as well as within a month I will be on my own in the daytime after mum leaves. After two hours though I am physically exhausted. My brain would like to keep shopping but my legs can't take another step. They better improve quickly because I am a girl that likes to spend days shopping not just a few hours!

Was thinking about Malika and how she acts completely differently around me these days. Before my surgery she would growl at Matt if he came near me too fast or if I was sitting at a lower height and he approached me. She was really protective of me and constantly wanted my attention. We thought it was just because she was a rescue dog and she saw me as her main owner. Now I'm thinking she could sense something was wrong with me and was therefore more protective. Since my surgery she hasn't worried about Matt approaching me or being near me and she isn't clingy at all now. In fact she isn't really fussed with me anymore, she is more of a daddy's girl. Hopefully that means I'm disease free.

Mum and I are going round to have dinner with Holly tonight. It will be the first time I have seen her flat so I'm very excited. Can't be out too late though as it is work tomorrow.

Day of rest

Day 180- Tuesday

Good week insomnia returns! Went to bed at midnight and up at 6.30! Soo tired but my brain is running on overdrive. Going to be a long day. We agreed that after our busy afternoon yesterday we would have a day of rest today. I need to start doing these patient handouts! Been putting it off and I don't know why as I love doing stuff like this. Hopefully once I start today I will get in the flow.

Paint my toe nails yellow from my new set and do a french manicure with my nails. Anything to avoid working! We also wash Malika. As it is so warm we wash her outside with a hose. Buddy stands cautiously watching from inside the house. Mum has been busy all day too making cushions! There is a rush to get all the jobs done now before she leaves!

Now for an early night!

Today's quote- 'time is measured in minutes, life is measured in moments'.

Boost in the bra department

Day 179- Monday

Today is the opening party for TKD! Mum and I are very excited for our afternoon out as mum hasn't been to the shop and there is a lovely shop in the same mall that sells bits Mum and I love- shabby chic!

Matt is still ill, not getting better, so I go with him to the doctors. Worse place for me to be, in a doctors waiting room, with my lowered immunity, but I sit still and don't touch anything! The doctor reports that the ulcers on Matt's tonsils have got worse and they want to do a blood test to rule out any nasty virus and he may need IV antibiotics later.

Well the performance of the blood test. I thought my brother was bad when he needed a cannula for the colonoscopy- sweat, near fainting and near vomiting for those that don't remember! By the way, when I skyped my brother last night he had another 'rash' on his arm he wanted me to look at! I tell you, the men in my family! They need to remember that I am the sick one! Anyway, back to Matt! Before the blood test he sent me across the road to get him something to eat as he thought he was going to faint. Fine, I come backed armed with sugar- a mountain dew and a mars bar. I try to calm him before the procedure (the nurse thinks he is mad!) but already he has gone yellow and sweaty. Eventually the blood is taken but only after I have to be strict telling him to calm down and the practice manager comes in to check if he needs to lie down as he doesn't look good!

Matt and I often comment that it is just as well I have the cancer and not him as he couldn't cope, and today was a fine example of that! There is no way he could manage with the big needle being stuck in his chest for 2 days, whilst a chemical so strong that it will burn your skin is administered by a nurse gowned head to toe so they aren't contaminated! Rant over, I'm brave, Matt isn't! In all seriousness though (religious thought coming up!) maybe only those that are strong enough to deal with an illness are given one? Just a thought.

With wife duty over, and my baby tucked up on the couch with a sandwich, mum and I head out for our day of fun! TKD looks lovely, all decorated with bunting and a café from the mall have donated the most gorgeous mini cup cakes and juices. Whilst mum gets measured I have my nails painted for free! For those of you on facebook, there is the most horrendous picture of me with the steroid moon face on full display! In the process of trying to get yummy mummy 'K' to remove it! Although I may get a copy and stick it on the fridge to stop me eating ever again! Yes, it is that bad! Not that anything seems to be stopping my eating at the moment! Mum and I have been on 'low GI' for this week. Now this is a sensible diet that stabilizes your blood sugars and you are allowed to eat loads of things. In fact I have printed us out a list- most fruits and veg, all 'brown/wholewheat' carbs, all meat fish and diary, and even chocolate. Plenty of things to keep us full. But somehow we have managed to cheat every day, with today being no exception! Being locked up for a week, when I finally make it out all I want to do is eat cake or muffins in a nice coffee shop! Today the mini cup cakes where so good I had to follow them up with a slice of chocolate cake! At least I didn't eat a two person portion like mum! Long story, but there was confusion over our order and they thought we wanted carrot cake big enough for us both to share. After joking about the size, and talks of bringing it home in a goodie bag, mum managed to polish it off! Oh well the diet can always start tomorrow!

Anyway, back to TKD, and I had a pleasant surprise in the bra department! Managed to leave with a smaller back size and bigger cup size! Have to boast (!) that I am now, according to Natalie the expert, a 30E!!! Can you believe it- sounds so impressive! Probably just made up of cake but who cares! Until I was 21 I was as flat as an ironing board so I still get excited by having boobs! So now if I can lose half a stone from my arms, tummy, bum and thighs and keep my boobs I will be looking good in time for my return to England. I fear that what will happen is, if I can ever get round to doing the diet, I will lose my chest only!

We spend the rest of the afternoon buying nail varnish- a set of pastel colours (yes, I am a sucker for 'sales' talk! Went in there for baby blue and came out with a set of 6 pastel colours as they were 'reduced'. Matt always winds me up about this. Once, years ago, we had a trial martial arts lesson. After the session, the marketing/sales genius told us "you are in luck because for March only you can buy a course of 6 for a reduced price in our special one-off March promotion". Well this sounded great to me and I was willing to sign up immediately, even though I had nearly died in the session, just to get the amazing March discount! Matt later pointed out that they would say that every month to fool idiots like me! Fooled I was! Nothing like getting a bargain, even if you don't need it!), and some pictures for frames I have for the lounge. All in all a great afternoon and we are out for hours.

On our return home, matt has heard from the doctors. He doesn’t have a virus, it is definitely bacterial and they want him to come straight in for IV antibiotics. Here we go again! I give him the 'be brave' pep talk on the way there and he does better. There are no tears, sweat or vomiting, just a little gasping and grimacing! He gets a teddy bear plaster for being a brave boy! Hopefully this extra strong dose of antibiotics works as he has been ill now for over a week.

Finish the evening with a lovely beef casserole- I think mum's best achievement yet, and 'The Voice'. Perfect end to a perfect day.

Today's quote- 'Don't count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count'. (This is going to be my new life plan!)

Lu Lu's

Day 178- Sunday

Bring Buddy to the vets to have his stitches out. There is a patch of grass outside and he loves it- rolling around, not wanting to leave! Feel quite sorry for him returning to the sandpit!

I feel better today, Matt doesn't, his throat is not improving. So we leave Matt at home watching the golf and we head out food shopping. We decide to go to Lu Lu's- haven't been there before. Mum and I get a little excited. This supermarket is amazing. Really clean and quiet and extra cheap! In my magazine the other day Olay serum got top marks and beat other more expensive serums. It was priced nearly 32 pounds in the UK but we found it today for 15 pounds! Hence we stocked up! Also found myself some hair loss shampoo to try. I know it is a bit late in the game but my hair is in a terrible way. Praying that it just holds on for the last cycle.

Bought the dogs 2 really big bones. Give them to them when we get in and it takes them over an hour just to eat 1/5^th! We eventually have to take them off them as Malika looks like she is going to collapse with the exertion of chewing!

Watch 'Next' with Nicolas Cage (quite good), walk the dogs with Buddy's new harness (much better control of him) and now off to bed! What an interesting life I lead!  

Film day

Day 177- Saturday

Feel slightly better today so mum and I head to Starbuck's for breakfast and to enjoy a read in the sun before it gets too hot. I was discussing this with yummy mummy 'J' the other day- there is nothing more I love than relaxing and reading a whole magazine. I find it so relaxing and I am always disappointed when the magazine is finished! I find it such a luxury and I love it. Perfect start to the day.

Unfortunately for the rest of the day I am quite fatigued. Manage to do my nails, although I have to force myself. Find that I have to do that quite a lot with fatigue these days. Give myself a little pep talk and force myself to do things I feel too tired to do. Still I guess this is just the mental game against chemo.

Watch a couple of films- Sex and the city (forgot how good the first one was) and the Girl with the dragon tattoo (really good film). Matt has to go to the doctors again today as his throat is not getting better. Now they have told him he has tonsillitis and a virus with throat ulcers. And the cure- anti-histamines apparently! Do worry about some doctors here. Anyway hopefully I am better tomorrow to look after him a bit. This really is the sick house.