Worst cook

Day 214- Monday

Woken at 6am by Buddy and can't get back to sleep. Decide to get up and do the cross trainer and some pilates. My plan is to organize a routine to follow, working on different areas each day. Need to be strict now as I have less than 2 months until we are back in England. Still too fat to fit into any of my dresses so need to buy a new one today as we are going to Matt's school's party next weekend.

Meet yummy mummies 'D' and 'J' for lunch. Can't believe how much baby 'G' and 'A' have grown. Both very well behaved and adorable. Nice to hear other people's news and not just talking about myself!

PET scan tomorrow so I am on a no carbohydrate diet today and all I can think about is cake! Tomorrow is my last scan for the time being. I am being scanned head to toe as I have made such a fuss about the pins and needles in my hands and feet!

My second attempt of cooking dinner fails- I drop the chicken on the floor as I get it out of the oven and have to start again! Need to remember how to cook!

Jubilee

Day 213- Sunday

Yet another bad night with Buddy. He has us both up at 1.30am with his barking, and then again at 6! He is driving us mad! We need to somehow get him to sleep out of our room and not barking in the middle of the night because he is bored. We need mum back!

Trying to watch some Jubilee celebrations but our TV keeps breaking. England looks very gloomy and wet. Typical bank holiday weekend weather.

Busy day at work…

My car arrives

Day 212- Saturday

We have a terrible night with Buddy. We keep him off the bed but he wakes every hour or so and starts to play or wash himself. This doesn’t disturb Matt but wakes me every time. Eventually, at 6am, he is up for the day so I have to get up to let him out in the garden and feed him. Get back into bed and the barking starts. We both spend the next few hours getting up and down to sort him out. Matt gives in and gets up to walk them. I remain in bed to try and get another 30 minutes!

 Matt wakes me with the best news. Professor W from Newcastle has emailed us. He reports they can still see the small spot on my liver but he thinks it is benign! It fact he writes….'At the moment we don't think Laura has ever had secondary spread of colon cancer to her liver'. He wants to see my scans in 4-6 months time to see if anything changes with me being off chemo. So for now the best news. Now I just need my PET scan to be clear on Tuesday and I am on my way!

Then we get even more good news- my car is ready, finally! Matt picks it up and drops it off at work for me. So excited! I love it! In the end the mistake didn't cost us too much. We just had to pay the difference to get the 2013 model which comes with power steering as standard. It drives like a dream and looks so cute!

After work I can't be bothered to cook so I meet Matt at the golf club for curry night! Really delicious Indian buffet and Matt gets to watch England! This could become a regular Saturday thing!

Meeting Cookie

Day 211- Friday

We didn’t know what to do with Buddy last night. We decide he can sleep in our room in case he misses mum. He ends up jumping on our bed after an hour and when I try to move him he whimpers. I feel sorry for him so he spends the night at the bottom of the bed and I spend the night with my legs bent up! Can't have this again!

Had a great time last night. Sat talking to a group of pregnant women. Feel sad as this should have been me. Hard feeling to describe. I am not jealous, the opposite, I am really happy for them but I feel so disappointed that cancer got in the way of me being in this position. My life has been off track and I am not where I wanted to be. We can't even think about babies anytime soon. We need to build up our savings again, really wait for me to be in remission and get through my next set of tests in 3 months time, and then see how the chemo has affected my fertility. So I need to be patient and just enjoy this independence before, hopefully, we become parents.

Today we pop along to watch one of Matt's student in a gymnastics competition . I really enjoy it and can't believe what these little girls can do. Then we head over to see 'R' and 'J' and I get to meet Cookie, their gorgeous cat, for the first time. I was told to stay away from kittens whilst on chemo so I never got to see him when he was small enough to fit into a hand. Now he is a huge fur ball who loves to chase the laser light!

We decide to have a movie night. It is really strange getting use to a quiet house! No mum talking throughout the film!

Goodbye mum

Day 210- Thursday

Have a little cry last night as I am sad mum is going. I know I should be excited about getting my life back but I just feel sad. Feels like the end of an era. Matt thinks this is normal because for the last 8 months everyone's focus has been on me and taking care of me. Now it's just up to me and my body to get on with it. A daunting thought.

Really sad saying goodbye to mum this morning. Can't cry to much as heading to work. After work I head to the pool with my magazine. Spend a lovely 3 hours by the pool. I am reminded how great it is to live in Dubai. It feels like I am on holiday.

Today is my first time making dinner. I plan chicken salad- mum has already cooked the chicken so should be easy! However disaster strikes as the fridge temperature is too low and the chicken is rock hard and nearly frozen! I only discover this once I have made and plated the salad! So dinner is just plan salad! Matt is not impressed and has to make himself a jacket potato. Oh well, things can only get better!

Now we are off to 'M' and 'E''s house warming party.

Mum's last day

Day 209- Wednesday

The portacath site has been soo sore all night. Swollen and painful around the whole area. Had to sleep on my back or on my left side with my right arm resting along the length of my body. Every time I moved or Matt moved I got pain! The op-site plaster leaked during my shower so I had to change it. I have to say the scar looks very neat and straight- another good job by Dr Salti!

Been thinking what to do about my blog once I finally get the all clear. I think I will just write it when I have something I am worried about, or upset about or even happy about. It can almost be my therapist! Whenever I have a hospital appointment or scan I will write so everyone knows what is going on. But apart from those times I hope my life is going to be horribly normal again and therefore not that interesting to read about. The blog really has been my saving grace and I recommend that anyone in my situation should write a blog or just a diary. It has definitely helped me deal with my emotions.

Really feels like I am coming to the end of my journey now. Mum is all packed and leaving tomorrow, I have sorted out my medicine cupboard and put all my chemo medicines away and I have thrown out the gloves I needed to wear when the chemo affected my hands in the cold. The medium told me yesterday that I need to be really positive and deal with any emotional issues immediately to stop me getting ill again. Yesterday was the first time I allowed myself to say 'the cancer has gone and I am cured'. And although there is still a part of my brain saying 'hold on, you need to wait to see what Professor W thinks and what your PET scan shows next week' just thinking the cancer has gone has made me feel soo much better. I feel like I have a spring in my step again and that a weight has been lifted. Probably due to the portacath coming out as well. This is the attitude I need if I am going to remain disease free and live a happy life.

Going to really miss mum. There is no way I could have gotten through the last 209 days without her. She, along with Matt, has always remained positive. Sometimes this has not been what I want to hear. When people keep telling you that everything will be ok and you just feel like shouting 'you don't know that, stop saying that'. She has been not only a great physically support, looking after us all, but has helped emotionally as well. She has always been willing to listen to me moan, complain or just talk about my worries. It must have been extremely hard for her, having a sick child, but she always dealt with her emotions privately, remaining positive around me. I can never thank her enough for giving up her life and running to be by our side. I think she is going to miss Buddy the most so I will have to check her bags before she leaves incase she is trying to steal him!

I have work this afternoon and then Holly is coming round tonight for a farewell dinner. The next time I write the blog I will be a part time housewife again!

A great day

Day 208- Tuesday

Let's start with the good news- my MRI no longer shows the black dot on my liver. This needs to be confirmed by Professor W at Newcastle but the best possible results we could have had today. Thank you for your love, prayers and messages of support.

Went to a medium again today- a different lady. She was amazing and picked up on my health issues. The good thing is she repeated lots of what the other medium said. She was really good with names and named mum, dad and my grandmother who has passed. She said I am cured of cancer and will go on to a have a family. She even brought up the water cooler! Felt really positive after the reading and she recommended  a self help book that Holly has read and said was really good. Mum had a reading too and hers was good also. Was also an excellent distraction from thinking about my portcath.

I am a nervous wreck by the time I turn up for my appointment with Dr Salti. I am not in his 'office' but a room opposite that has a proper bed in it! I question him about the vein, apparently it closes once the tube is removed, and we get started. The local anaesthetic injection hurts- an intense stinging bordering on pain. He goes in quite deep and all around the portacath. The rest of the procedure is pain free but the pushing and pulling is intense. You can feel your skin being pulled around and it feels like your insides are being pulled out through a small hole. It is over quickly though- less than 10 minutes. Apparently I had a lot of scar tissue around the portacath. Relieved that it is out and just as we finish Dr K arrives with the good news.

Had a celebratory dinner on the way home. The incision is starting to throb now so need a paracetamol. Feel really happy but don't feel like celebrating too hard. The news is good but it needs to be confirmed so holding back a little. Feel comforted by what the medium said and this is the first step in proving she is right. All in all a great day!